〖42〗

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Yeosang couldn't stop shaking even as warm water ran over his naked body as he sat on the floor of his bathroom, hugging his knees and crying silently as water splashed his body.

He was both shocked and inconsolable, both because of the fact he was almost raped and because he just saw Jongho in real life again after almost 3 years. 

Yeosang felt disgusting. He felt disgusted by himself, mainly because he was touched by those men until Jongho appeared there. 

He just had the feeling it was him after seeing those gifts, but he was just shocked to see him again. Jongho looked exactly the same like he did 2 years ago, just dropped a bit of weight but still looking handsome just like Yeosang remembers him. 

Yeosang just couldn't take it all in. Why did all of them lie to him, literally made a fake grave and funeral and now he is actually alive and he was alive all along? 

It was kind of making him sick. What the hell was that if he wasn't actually dead? Did they make that whole thing up just to hide Jongho from someone? But why were they doing that? 

There were too many questions inside of Yeosang's mind, but there were no answers at all. He was just so confused and hurt. He hoped Jongho wouldn't hurt or ever lie to him, but he did it both. 

Yeosang loved him so much just like Jongho loved him, but he was just not prepared for that. He just felt insanely sick when he saw Jongho standing there just like he did 2 years ago, once again shooting people who hurt him. 

It was like he lived in the past. He missed Jongho so much, and yet he was here all along, hiding from Yeosang without any reason or explanation why he was doing that. 

Yeosang sobbed as he cried, sitting in the shower all alone in the silence as he just cried and cried without a single thought on his mind for over an hour. It just hurt so much, and he couldn't calm down. 

He just wanted to know why. Why did Jongho lie to him and why did he even hide? Yeosang would never humiliate or betray Jongho. 

It just didn't make any sense to him. He was just hurt badly, and yet Jongho just acted like nothing ever happened, appearing out of nowhere like it was all normal. 

Yeosang hugged his knees again, now crying even harder. 

► ► ► ► ►

Jongho stared out in the night, holding a cigarette in his hand and a drink in another. 

He couldn't stop thinking about Yeosang, just like 2 years ago.

Jongho worked so hard just to get him, and when Yeosang was right besides him, it felt like his whole life was complete. He just felt so good, but Jongho just had to fuck it all up and do the plan they made. 

He was hiding, acting like he was dead for 2 years just to kill Mr. Seo, slowly making a plan how to do that too. They had a perfect plan, but it costed Jongho his relationship with Yeosang. 

Oh, how he wished he could turn back time to be smarter. He wished he could be back in the past, never let Yeosang go and eventually find another plan on how to get rid of that asshole. 

Jongho was pissed off at himself only because he agreed on it, acting like nothing was happening for almost 3 years. 

He didn't blame Yeosang for literally running away. He knew he was shocked, but Jongho couldn't hold himself back when he saw those men touching him to the point he was almost raped. 

Jongho just killed them, and he didn't feel bad at all for doing that. He felt bad for seeing Yeosang look so shocked. 

He just hoped his love is going to be okay. Jongho doesn't know how will he live if he isn't, or how will he ever accept himself for making Yeosang look and feel like that. 

But Yeosang still looked beautiful just like he did in the past. He was just so perfect, now being even more muscular but just looking so flawless. Even the long black hair suited him so much, and Jongho will never get enough of him. 

How is he so perfect? Jongho always asked himself that. 

He was still deeply in love with Yeosang. Jongho loved him so much, but he was an idiot. He knew he had to make Yeosang his again, no matter what it took.

Jongho puffed the smoke out of his mouth, still staring into the sky as the sun started raising up. He spent his nights alone, usually sleepless as he thought of Yeosang and how he was doing. San saying that he is fine wasn't alone. 

He wanted to know if he was truly fine or if he was just saying that not to make anyone worried, which Jongho just hoped he truly is okay. Jongho loved him so badly he doesn't want Yeosang to hurt ever. 

But he understands Yeosang's actions. Of course he does, after all, he would avoid him if he was Yeosang too. Jongho doesn't blame him, he never will even if he curses or hits him. He deserves it after all.  

He sighed as he took a sip of his whiskey, placing the rest of the cigarette in the ashtray and just staring at the yellowish sky as the cold air hit his body. It looked beautiful, just like Yeosang.

It might seem cheesy that every single thing reminded Jongho of Yeosang, no matter how small it was, but he was just so incredibly useless because of all the love he was feeling for that one male. 

He just loved Yeosang so much, but he knew that he made a huge mistake. He has to win Yeosang back, no matter what he does.  

Jongho made a mistake, and he will make sure to make Yeosang his again.

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