Dearest, May I?

The Damned

It never was supposed to end like this. His broken promises to me sounded like the softest lullaby. We both knew it was bound to happen the moment he grabbed that staff and damned those 7,000 souls. His crimson eyes shot daggers at me with something other than love in them.

Something I've never seen in them. Fear and power danced in synchrony. He was terrified of what was to come to him. The fear of ending up like his now deceased Master, the fear of losing me, but most importantly? The fear of ever feeling used again, objectified, abused. Even the possibility scared him beyond anything else

I could always feel it, the night we spent together. He tried to play it off, but i could tell he wasnt there- not truly. Reassuring him over and over again and he still couldn't fathom it. How could somebody possibly see him as something other than vile?

I will always miss who he was before he ascended, but at least now to him, for once in his life, he feels free. Truly free. No longer a prisoner in his own skin.

Those ten seconds he looked into my eyes felt like forever. I was trapped, forced to look into them just as deep as he did mine, i could see all his horrors out on display before they escaped the person he was.

My little star was no longer. He was the entire sun now, and boy, did it hurt to gaze upon him, yet i couldn't look away

" Tell me. Can you sense it? Can you see the difference? The power I hold. Does it frighten you, little dove? Don't be afraid, now I can truly make sure you will never get hurt, ever again. "

" Yes, you have an aura around you that's expelling...confidence," you state while trying to hold back the fear that shrouds the entirity of your heart

" I'm glad. Let's leave this god-awful dungeon. There's plenty to be done. Come along. " he grinned, flashing his fangs at me before walking off, back to where we came from

Now I was the one following him like a lost puppy. What a role reversal. It was like we were taking turns playing follow the leader, except now I knew he'd permanently hold the place i once occupied

I stared upon the ritual on his back the whole way back, refusing to look into the dungeon cells. The children, the heart broken Sebastian- i couldn't bare to look at their lifeless bodies. I could of prevented this.

Right? Or was he that power hungry? I warned him I thought this would happen. Our companions abandoned us before they could watch it unfold infront of their eyes. I couldn't sense any of my old Astarion left in him with that one grin. His entire demeanor was different and I would forever grieve the man that was no more. Or am I wrong and it was just confidence, nothing more or less?

Only time will tell. Maybe I am just overreacting, I always did assume the worst would happen, it was all our journey seemed to be, one disaster after the other. One thing I did know for sure was that I would never abandon him. Oh my greatest love how i hoped you were still you behind those crimson eyes and that smile that could make even a nun fold

At last we reached Cazador's office and Astarion cleared off his former Master's desk in one sweep of the arm, then sitting down in his velvet red chair, kicking his feet up to the desk cross legged.