The Exit - Oscar Piastri FF

16. - Is it too soon?

After the trip to the zoo, one thing filled my mind. That day, I had almost told Oscar about my conversation with Lando, and I couldn't help but be disappointed that we had been interrupted. I felt a great sense of reassurance when Oscar stood up for his feelings for me, yet again, and I wanted to give him the same reassurance. Even if I wasn't completely ready yet, and even if part of me still thought about Max occasionally, I needed to tell Oscar not to give up on me. He needed to know that I had feelings for him too.

There were now only two days left of our stay, and I was deep in thought while sitting on the floor, my back against the bed and writing in my journal. I barely ever used it anymore, but sometimes it helped me collect my thoughts before having to communicate them to others. It clarified them and made sure that my mind and feelings were connected. I was so deep within my own world, that I didn't notice both Oscar and Logan standing in the doorway until Logan cleared his throat. I jumped slightly at the sudden noise and looked up to see both of them smiling at me. "How long have you been standing there?" I almost yelled in disbelief, but I couldn't help but smile along with them. "Well I just got here, I don't know about this guy," Logan taunted and walked in and jumped on my bed. 

I closed my journal and stood up to put it on the table, while Oscar joined Logan on the bed. "What's on your mind, Con?" Oscar asked, and I looked at him confused as I sat down on the bed, facing both of them. "What do you mean, you're the ones who came to my room?" I questioned, a chuckle escaping my lips. Oscar's eyes flickered to behind me, then back to me. "You're writing in your journal though, don't you only do that when you need to like- get your thoughts out or sorted-?" I knitted my eyebrows together, as I didn't realize that he knew me that well. Before I could respond though, Logan spoke up, "Is it about your parents?" He asked and I felt an ache in my chest at the mention of them. I shook my head and Logan gave me a pitiful smile. "Max then?" Oscar then added, and another sting appeared in my chest - this time not as bad, however. "No, not about him either... It's something good for once," I said, trying to force a smile, but the sudden mention of the two recent traumatic events in my life had taken a toll on my mood. 

I hadn't realised that I was getting lost in my own thoughts again before Oscar pulled me out of them by placing his hand on my knee. "We're sorry, we didn't mean to spoil the mood," He spoke softly, but my eyes stayed on my hands which were fiddling with a bracelet on my wrist. "No, it's alright... I haven't really thought about those things much on this trip, so maybe it's good?" I admitted, taking a deep breath as my mind couldn't focus on all of the thoughts and memories running through my mind. Maybe I was further from moving on than I thought. Maybe it would be too early to give Oscar any sign or encouragement whatsoever. I didn't want to lose him, but I also had no way of knowing when I would, if ever, be ready to give him my everything. And giving him any less than that wouldn't be worthy of him. He deserved so much more.

I was spiralling inside myself once again when I felt a squeeze on my knee. I looked up and saw two pairs of worried eyes on me, while a tear escaped my eye. Oscar was quick to wipe it away, before he pulled my body closer to his and made my head rest against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. He didn't say anything, he just held me, whilst Logan reached out and grabbed my hand. I cried into his chest silently and closed my eyes as I let my body relax in his hold. He really was my rock, and I depended on him a lot. Almost too much for it to be healthy, just like back then, right before he left me. Back when I was weak and depended on others to feel good about myself or to feel happy in my daily life. I didn't want to go back to being that person again, but at the same time, I didn't know if I could get over all of this heartache without him. 

I didn't notice myself falling asleep in his embrace, but I realised I had when I woke up and was still wrapped in his arms. Logan had left, probably to his own room, whilst Oscar and I were lying on my bed, his arms wrapped around me from behind in a kind of protective manner. I reached for my phone to check the time, and it was almost 2 am. "Go back to sleep, Con..." Oscar's low husky voice sounded directly in my ear, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck. "Aren't you uncomfortable, Osc? You can go, I-" I tried whispering back, again letting my worries fill my mind, but he didn't let me finish before tightening his arms around me and snuggling closer. "Not a chance..." He mumbled, and I felt my already racing heart skip a beat, but before I knew it, I fell right back to sleep.