𝑺𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒆-𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

Matt- Depression

Shittydaysinlife and Xxbittersweet_RoseXx I'm coming after your brands with this story and how your stories wreck me.

This is basically what I've been going through this past weekend. 

Grammarly wanted to make this seem less negative lmao

I'm mixing up his life storyline a bit so don't kill me

TW: Mentions of self-harm, depression, anxiety, suicide, eating disorders, body dysmorphia

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Ordinary Life - Here At Last

VERSE ONE 

"I can't switch off after midnight,"

Matt laid in bed, looking up at the ceiling. He sighed. How many more nights? How many more nights does he have to look at this ceiling and ponder about life? It was killing him slowly. He didn't even remember the last night he had a good night's sleep.

"Don't want to turn off my life,"

He didn't want to turn to suicide. He couldn't be the reason the triplets turned into twins. That would be cruel. The guilt would haunt him in the afterlife. Isn't the afterlife meant to be freeing? Matt thought so. 

"Cause I overthink all the little things,"

He was doing just that staring at the ceiling, the ceiling opening up all the thoughts he thought he didn't have. Matt couldn't do anything without overthinking it. What would the people think about opening an app on his phone out in public? What would Nick and Chris think if he wore a shirt they have never seen? 

"Can't stop hearing this voice, telling me I have no choice" 

Unfortunately, the voice can't be muted. Matt had tried everything. The voice was a free subscription that sounded good for crucial life decisions but now Matt can't cancel the subscription. He can't ask his brothers for help either, what would they think? 

"Cause I don't believe all the things it says" 

He did at one point. He then realised he had to treat the voice like a person and ignore it. Try to figure out its lies and its truths. It's easier said than done. But with time, he did. Sometimes, the voices do win. 

"I spend my day trying to not worry it away" 

How many events had Matt missed due to his anxiety? He didn't know. He didn't want to know the number. He thinks it's an ungoogleable number. The ceiling told him that. 

CHORUS 

"I wish I could love my body, my mind" 

The next morning, after a sleepless night, Matt got out of bed. Catching himself in the mirror. He normally avoided it, choosing his everyday clothes off what he had worn before, anytime he did need to look in the mirror, he asked his brothers for their opinion. They wouldn't be as honest as the mirror but it's better than whatever it had to say. He didn't even want to think about having a shower later. That was a whole different story.

"Wake up and see myself from someone else's eyes"

What would it be like? To be Nick, to be Chris. Is Matt ugly in their eyes, is Matt perfect? Broken? The possibilities are endless. How does Nate and Madi think about him? Do they favour his brothers more? Questions filled Matt's mind as he left his cove and into the kitchen. 

"I wish I could heal these scars that I hide" 

Chris was in the kitchen, shirtless, walking around like he was the king. Matt tugged the sleeve of his shirt. He wasn't sure the last time his arms saw the sun. Not like his brothers noticed the hoodie or sleeve shirt he wore every single day like it was part of him. Matt was scared for summer. Would he have to switch to a waterproof foundation to hide the scars? Maybe he could steal some from Madi? Larry sure would have some as well.