𝑺𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒆-𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

Matt- Depression Pt.2

Hi all. 

Kinda of a depressing one coming for you, so Cylde is on speed dial if anyone sues. 

@AboiHey2 requested a part two of my depression oneshot so here you are love. Not sure if this is what you wanted but I wrote most of it during science and drama so. 

Also, I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH OMG OMG OMG. LIVE LAUGH LOVE LUKE HEMMINGS. 

Anyways. This is probably my favourite chapter I have ever written. 

HUGE TRIGGER WARNING. IF ANY OF THIS STUFF TRIGGERS YOU PLEASE TURN BACK AND READ SOMETHING ELSE: Suicide, Eating disorders, self-harm, blood, fainting, anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, crying, ambulance, hospital, vampires, demons, mentions of hell, Nick driving, similes.

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Relapse. It's something we all go through before being clean.

Like spilling expired milk on freshly mopped floors. Just like that, all that hard work came to nothing.

Something that loomed in the distance like a bad smell.

It was always the storm before the carm.

Something Matt feared as he woke up the next morning.

He was so determined yesterday that he got a spark of light amid the darkness just for it to blow out like a candle flame in the wind.

The depression was back. Cue the Eminem.

He knew it had been a day. Nothing like that changes that quickly but he was expecting something. Like a glimmer of hope. Maybe he needed some sparkles on the floor to help.

He looked up to the ceiling. It looked less scary in daylight and more like a trap awaiting its next victim. Or it's only in Matt's case. The only people Matt shared his room with were his demons.

They needed more than a queen-sized bed though.

Unlike yesterday, Matt didn't let his eyes drift to the mirror, he knew the judgement would be loud and he could see the blade hidden in his sock draw getting ready to do its work.

Ignoring the sock draw as hard as possible, he kept his pyjama pants on and chucked a hoodie. He plopped the hood on and scuffled his hair a bit. He didn't care about how he looked but at the same time, Nick and Chris saw him trying yesterday, he has to keep that act going. 

He dragged himself out the door of his Cove. It was dark in there, bed unset, it was barely unoccupied most of the time. Matt rotting in it like an apple in a dumpster.

Outside the Cove of Matt was the kitchen. Or in other words hell. Hell is easier and shorter to write.

Chris and Nick were in there talking, going on with their day like Matt didn't exist. Which he didn't. He was like a ghost lingering in the darkness. What would they think if he was gone?

Then Nick turned his head and the ghost became visible. "Oh hey Matt"

Matt gave a small nod to show he heard Nick but could he be bothered to open his mouth? Not at all. 

Then Matt saw the devil's kids. Food. 

It was no secret in the household that Matt struggled with food, every calorie felt like Matt was just fed a brick, and every number on the scale was like bullets on skin. He tried to keep it a secret, it wasn't that hard at the start. He was always leaner than his brothers, Nick had said it himself in that podcast interview that he did. Then it became a matter of staying lean and seeing how lean he could get.