New Girl in Town

Chapter 37

LJ User: Xx_RubyJane [Public Entry]

Date: July 8, 2012

[Mood: elated]
[Music: "Maneater"—Nelly Furtado]

Next time you boys tell me dancing isn't hardcore exercise, I want you to go through the stretching session I just went through. Oh, wait, you'd be crying five minutes in!

I've got muscles I didn't even know existed throbbing in protest. 

—Jennie

COMMENTS:

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Kai_serOfKaisers:
I've got something else that's throbbing.

          Irene_Bae.utiful:

          KAI!

LJ User: Xx_RubyJane [Private Entry]

Date: July 11, 2012

[Mood: Annoyed]
[Music: "Numb"—Linkin Park]

I've been booking solo studio time each night just to get away from it all. Madame Rosard told me I needed to make sure to socialize. I couldn't just throw myself into the work. But, like, isn't that the point of all this money my parents are paying?

She didn't like it when I said that. I almost got put on dishwashing duty. If I get two more warnings, they're going to call my mom. So I just need to make sure no one sees me do anything that warrants a warning.

The first time I booked studio time so late it was mainly because my roommate invited Hanni to hang out in our cabin and I couldn't stand that know-it-all smile of hers. Why does everyone like her? She's so smug. Like she's won at life.

I wouldn't be so proud if I were her. I heard her mom doesn't even speak to her anymore. Her parents split up because of her. Her dad took her side and her mom...

Love isn't very unconditional, no matter what they say. I learned that when my mom and dad split up. A family breaks and it doesn't leave a scar; it's a wound. Sometimes it doesn't heal.

Some things are hard to heal.

I don't want my family to break. To be the thing that splits it apart completely, just because I can't control—

How can Hanni stand it? Her parents split because she couldn't control herself.

Or does it hurt, and she just hides the wound?

If she is hiding it, I want to know how.

I want to learn.

I need to.

Because I hurt her.

Not Hanni. I couldn't care less about her.

Lisa.

I fucked it all up. I mean, Lisa kind of fucked it up first, acting all ...

Why did Lisa have to act like that? Why did she have to talk about it? It was fine until she wanted all that. She should've known better. I'm not Hanni. Lisa's not Hanni. We don't get to be Hanni.

You only get to be Hanni if you're willing to lose things like your entire mom or all your friends.

Why would Lisa be willing to do that when she already lost her mom? It makes no sense.

Nothing is worth being the thing that breaks everything apart.

I could never be worth that.

Could I?

—Jennie