Dangerous & Anew (Sequel to Inhaling Alongside You)✔️

Chapter Thirty-Six: Different Proposals

Love. A word of contradistinctive meaning and language. Love is a notion of what one feels in the heart. Love has no one expression. Love is something that many have yet to find the mystery of it's trigger. Love is something I feel, and others feel is an ever lasting notion. Love was given to me through many forms. The firm of a beautiful baby boy. The form of a five-foot-seven caramel beaut, and now, a five-foot-three auburn beaut.
Each has given me something that I have searched and asked for; Love.

When can time tell if anyone is ready? Whether it's for love, or peace. When can time tell? An ageless question without an answer. It's a factor that I so substantially ponder. My own thoughts and feelings put me in a void that I can't seem to find a way out. Not that I wish to, But it's an unexplainable experience. I point to one person as the perpetrator; Jesse Rose Edmond.

She confuses me in the most enticing way. She makes me chase her only to reject me. I think it's all a matter of being afraid. She's afraid to give us-me another chance. It's a detriment to my heart, but I can understand. I put her through a lot, we put each other through a lot. So why would continue fighting for us?

That's the prized question, I have yet to find an answer to.

"I miss you too. I know... I'm not rushing you. I told you I'll wait for as long as it takes. Yes... I know. Okay. I miss you too. I... Good bye, sleep well" I exhale heavily, returning the telephone to its receiver.

Days have superseded time. In a blink of an eye, I'm already nearing the end of my December concerts. With only two days left, I've been racing against the clock to speed as much time as I can with Noah before I return to California, fortunately returning to Lisa. This whole month has been a bit torturous for me.

This month has been torturous because of my lack of balance. As soon as I wake up, I hit the Tokyo Dome, rehearsing do that days later concert. Then after most of my day have been spent rehearsing, I try to return to my suite just before Jesse goes for her late night rehearsals. In between, I do have to remember to eat and remain hydrated. In addition to my flurrying schedule, I also have been trying to figure out this situation with Jesse.

She has me on this rollercoaster. She loves be she doesn't want me. She wants me, but she refuses to have me. She has me, but she refuses to want me. I just can't comprehend her logic. She's all over the place. I don't understand why, it's simple. You love me, and you want to be with me. That's all she has to admit.

She continuously mentions Lisa. She's always stressing her. Concern for Lisa's emotional well being. I appreciate and commend her for that, but I feel she isn't listening to what I say. I may be happy with Lisa, I may feel a little connection to her, but that is toss to the side when I'm sound Jesse. Jesse Rose Edmond is all I know when she's in my presence. It's a sad, terrible thing to admit, but it's the honest truth.

I want to be with Lisa, give us a try. But, I also want to be with Jesse, give us another try. Both women are beautiful beatings and offer so much, but only one has my heart.

"Is she okay? You sound stressed?" Bill asks, trying to engage Noah's interest in a game of patty-cake.

Noah only remains seated on Bills lap, gazing off absentmindedly. When he does that, when he "spaces out" it scares me. Jesse said its normal for him, but I feel otherwise. I know with his mild autism that some capabilities are a bit transparent at one moment and apparent the next. But, I feel like there's so much more we can do then make silly noises, hoping he will speak again. I don't know what that "more" is, but I'm working on finding out.

"It's the asshole Danny... I guess he a tally wants to split the kids? I don't even understand that..." I sigh, his name leaving a sudden distaste to my tongue.