Embracing Certainty

Chapter 20

Bumalik na rin naman ang kasiglahan ng anak ko, tanggap niya na kaya't tanggap ko na rin. Dalawa na lamang kami ngunit kahit papaano kapag inilalabas ko siya ay nakikita ko kung gaano siya kasaya, bilang isang ama kasiyahan ko ang kasiyahan ng anak ko. Hindi man ako perpektong ama ngunit gagawin ko ang lahat hindi lang maiparanas sa kan'ya ang mga bagay na hindi niya deserve.

Isang linggo na lang ang natirang araw ko sa trabaho at saka na ako pwedeng magfile ng resignation letter.

Ngunit sa ikahuling araw ko sa pagpasa ko sana ng resignation letter ay hindi ko inaasahan na ang makakaharap kong boss ay ang dati kong kasintahan noong kolehiyo. We broke up because I caught her cheating on me, right after our breakup I moved in to the province that's why I met my wife.

As I passed my resignation letter, she told me that I can't. The contract that I signed in daw is kontrata na meron ding about sa condition ng pagtatrabaho ko rito. Sa sobrang dami ng papel na pinapirma sa akin ay hindi ko na naisa isang basahin, fvck. I fvcking disagree to the condition, it is to married her. Why would I do that? Ang kasal ay para lang sa nagmamahalan. Naset-up ako, what the hell.

And she told me that we have a child? Everything is complicated and messy. Bakit naman ako maniniwala? Almost 5 years have passed tapos paglutang niya sasabihin niyang nabuntis siya and I'm the father? she cheated for fvcking sake.

But she gave me an envelope dahil alam niya raw na magdududa ako. So after all, planado talaga lahat? what the hell is happening, bakit sa dami ng company na mapagtatrabahuhan ko ay dito pa. And there I saw with my two eye the result of DNA test of me and my daughter? it is matched. Nagtaka pa rin ako dahil maaaring fake lamang ang lahat ng ito. Kumuha raw sila ng gamit ko sa table and then ayon. If I want daw we can undergo another DNA test. And now I don't know what to fvcking do, may anak akong naghihintay sa akin. It's friday, ang anak ko kailangan kong uwian.

"Isa pang hakbang mo palabas ng pinto, sinasabi ko sa'yong pagsisisihan mo" she told me

Hahakbang na sana ako ulit.

"I can do everything, I can do what I want. Kapag gusto ko nakukuha ko. I have many sources and connections. Oras na lumabas ka diyan, matatagpuan mo na lang ang sarili mo sa selda. I have many papers to serve as an evidence" sabay pakita nito ng mga papel

"I just want to give my daughter a complete family, I don't want her to grow up without a father. I'll do everything for her. I'm begging you, can we do it atleast for our daughter?"

I'm trapped. I don't want this but I needed to. Mas hindi ko kakayanin na mapunta sa kulungan, mas wala akong kakayahan na makalapit ulit sa anak ko. Wala man lang akong magawa, wala akong choice kundi ang magendup sa desisyon na hindi ko naman gusto. Mabilis lang ang process ng kasal namin dahil hindi naman kami kasal ng dati kong asawa. I just call her my wife dahil alam kong ayon ang patutunguhan namin, SANA.

Maybe if I have a chance, I'll go to my daughter whose waiting for me. Wait for me anak ko, babalik pa rin si papa. Hahanap lang ako ng tiempo. I hate myself, natupad ko ang pangarap kong magkaroon ng buong pamilya but for a short period of time only, just a temporary one. World is so cruel, what did I do to deserve this? And my innocent daughter doesn't deserve this as well.

10 years have passed and I don't know where she is. Bumalik ako pero wala roon ang anak ko so I just left there our picture with her name on the back of it. Kamusta na kaya siya, okay lang kaya siya. Sana may nag-aalaga sa kan'ya, sana hindi siya pinapabayaan. Sana nasa mabuting kalagayan siya. Gustong gusto ko siyang hanapin ngunit hindi ko na alam ang hitsura niya ngayon, I have our only picture together na katulad ng iniwan ko but nagfefade na ng slight. Nakikita naman but I don't know if ganito pa rin or maybe nagiba na ang hitsura niya.

As time passes by, nagwork out din ang relationship and our marriage went well. We gave our daughter a complete and happy family. Binuhos ko lahat ng atensyon ko sa kan'ya, I treated her the way she deserves because she's also my daughter. But as life not only revolves on one aspect, we became busy to handle all of our businesses here in abroad. At her college year, we let her live her life. Her name was Yierynn Laniisha Blanche, kaedad lang siya ng isa kong anak, mas nauna lang ng ilang months.

Oh wait, they didn't know na I have a daughter. It's my intention not to tell dahil baka kung anong gawin nila sa anak ko. Ayokong madamay pa siya sa gulo.

But still, as I said that life was full of surprises. An unexpectedly news comes again, a destroying one.
Ang mommy ni Erin ay for the second time, I caught cheating again. And guess what? their sin fvcking have a fruit, I saw with my two eyes that they were with a child calling it their son. Once a cheater always a cheater. Hindi na ako naniniwala sa chance and change, cheater's doesn't know what it is all about. No fvcking excuses and reason, it will never be valid.

Hindi ko na kaya, I'm done with all the shits. Akala ko tuloy tuloy na, but yeah expectations pulling me down. I'm disappointed.

Ang sakit, gusto ko na lang matapos lahat. Hindi ko na kinakaya ang mga nangyayari sa buhay ko. Bakit puro panandalian na lang ang lahat.

I've decided to go back in the Philippines, start a fresh life. Sobrang sakit ng lahat pero there's no space for it. Mas kailangan kong maging malakas.Hahanapin ko ang anak ko, I know mahirap pero I'll do everything, I'll make my own way. And we will live happily kasama si Erin.

Friday ngayon and and naisipan ko bumisita sa nagiisang company ko rito sa Pilipinas. Yes you read it right, the company that is for my daughters.

While walking inside of the building I saw a girl na nagmamadali ngunit animo'y wala sa sarili sa lalim ng iniisip niya. Mabubunggo na siya sa akin but pinili ko na hindi gumilid, hinayaan ko siyang mabunggo sa akin para bumalik sya sa katinuan or magising ang diwa niya. Nakayuko siya agad at humihingi ng paumanhin, tumango lang ako ngunit wala ata siyang balak na harapin ako kaya hindi niya nakita. Hinayaan ko na lamang siya at saka naglakad ulit.

Hindi pa ako nakakalayo but I heard a familiar sound which caught my attention kaya napalingon ako agad. I saw the girl recently na nabangga sa akin kinuha ang phone niya sa bag and turned it off. Is it an alarm? I checked my watch and it's exact 5 pm. Who's that girl? For sure she's working here, I need to investigate her. Pero baka naman call lang 'yon kaya nagring? But no, my heartbeat became faster and I have this gut feeling na parang may connection sa kan'ya.