Forget-me-not

Cynthia

She wasn't expecting all the nerves. Her fingers wrapped tight around her coffee cup and turned pale. The further they drove, the more nervous she got. From what she understood during the conversation, she'd be staying with Seungmin and his roommates. The more she thought about it, the more her nerves showed. 

Inadvertently, she found herself biting her lower lip. She didn't realize it until the metallic taste of blood sipped into her mouth and cut through the strong taste of lingering vanilla. She shut her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath. 

It was one of the things her occupational therapist tried to get through to her. Life wasn't the easiest after a traumatic brain injury. She learned that the hard way. Simple tasks could be overwhelming and frustrating. 

At the very first session, her therapist wanted her to play a card game while they talked. Despite Cynthia's nerves, the therapist had been kind to her. He spoke soothingly and encouraged her when she became discouraged. 

He laid down a variety of matching flashcards in a few rows. They were relatively simple and he had multiple decks of cards. He pushed away a few of them and asked her to choose a deck. She felt a bit childish picking up an animal memory game, but he insisted it was the best place to start. 

He shuffled the cards and spread them out on the table before her. Flora was forced to wait in the waiting room, so Cynthia was alone with the therapist. It was those small blips of time when she could catch a break from Flora. 

For an hour, the therapist let Cynthia play the card game. He paused here and there to let her think about the pairs of cards. Besides the long-term memory loss, her short-term memory had suffered immensely too. She'd remember where the matching giraffe was and then her brain would sputter. Like a car upon a hill, her brain ran out of gas and she went backwards. 

She'd stare at the upside down cards confused. Staring at the white card backings, she forgot what her next move was. At one point, for nearly three minutes, she couldn't find the match for the elephant. Forgetting what card she intended to pick up, she kept picking up the same ones and receiving the same results. 

Frustrated and upset at herself, she began to tear up. She didn't mean to, but the game was agitating. She felt foolish knowing that kids could perform the game, but as an adult, she couldn't finish it without struggling. 

When the therapist saw this, he gently led her from the occupational therapy room, away from the wooden table and the yellowed lights. He led her out a glass side door where they stepped outside into the frigid air. 

Both wrapped up in their winter gear, he led them to a bench and dusted off a thin layer of snow. Cynthia sat down with her arms across her chest still a bit insecure about the situation. He began to explain that the area flourished into a bright flower garden in the spring. 

The conversation shift directed Cynthia away from her frustration and she stopped tearing up. Enthralled, she engaged in conversation with the man. Once they were finished, he began to explain the importance of breaks, redirection, and deep breaths. 

It was something that she so desperately wanted to remember. She asked if he could write it down and he did. Somewhere, back at Flora's apartment, there was a piece of paper reminding her that it was alright to step away from whatever she was struggling with and take a deep breath to clear her head. 

Obviously, she couldn't get out of this situation, but the deep breaths were helping her feel a bit better. When Lee Know pulled up to a house, he turned off the key and climbed out. Seungmin followed and so did Cynthia. 

Too focused on following the guys inside, she didn't take in much of the red-bricked building. The clay tiled roof sloped down. Large rectangular windows sat in the front and let in a bunch of natural light. The paved driveway trickled into a sidewalk that led to the front door. Not far away, a similar building sat. 

When the three stepped inside, she followed their lead. Lee Know kicked off his shoes and placed them on a metal shoe rack. Seungmin kicked off his own shoes and so did she. Her eyes went around the place to observe it. 

The scent of something sweet lingered in the air. Across the way, Lee Know's stomach rumbled and he rubbed his hands together. "I smell Yongbok's brownies. Yongbok!" He called out as he rushed from view. 

"Don't mind him, he loves Felix's brownies. We all love them and so do you. So um..." He held up his hands and gestured around. "I live here with some of my band members at the moment. You've met Lee Know and then there's Fe-" 

"Hyung, get your fingers off of those!" The thick Australian accent wasn't expected. "Yours are still baking and those are for Cynthia!" 

"Why not just one?" 

"No!" 

"Yongbok!" Lee Know whined. 

Seungmin sighed and shook his head. He started to lead the way towards the kitchen, but was interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Cynthia glanced up to find Felix's bright freckled face heading towards them. A grin grew across his face and he held a white plate of brownies in front of him. 

"Hi, Cynthia! I'm Felix, but sometimes the guys call me Yongbok. You can call me whatever you prefer. I made brownies for you and they're still warm. You can have one if you want." 

Her eyes went over to Seungmin and he nodded to let her know that it was alright. She grabbed one of the pre-cut brownies. "Thank you." 

"Oh, how I've missed you so much. There's so many things you don't remember. We're going to have to catch up and I'll have to tell you all about it again. I can't wait for you to remember things. Can you remember? Are things coming back?" 

"Woah," Lee Know walked over and placed a hand on Felix's shoulder. "Let her have a moment to relax. She just got here and she's probably nervous. Don't freak the poor girl out." 

"Oh, like you didn't do that too," Seungmin rolled his eyes. 

"I didn't! Cynthia, did I scare you? You better say no or I'l-" 

"Hyung!" He cried. 

Felix and Seungmin both began lecturing Lee Know. Standing to the side, Cynthia shut her eyes and sucked in another deep breath. She couldn't blame them for being so curious and interested. They were used to treating her a certain way and it was her fault she couldn't remember. 

The quiet sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind her. Cynthia turned around to face a man with fox-like eyes. He smiled softly at her and handed her a napkin for her brownie. 

"Please try not to mind them too much. Everyone is a bit excited that you're back. I'm I.N or you can call me Jeongin." Dimples caved into both sides of his cheeks. "We're very happy to have you back with us." 

Cynthia didn't know why it happened and she couldn't explain it. The words tumbled out without her meaning to say them. "You're Innie." 

I.N's face dropped for a brief moment before the smile returned and grew. "Yeah, you can call me that too, if you wish. You used to call me that all the time." 

Being back with people from the past, her memories were poking up like dandelions. She couldn't stop them and she didn't want them to stop. She'd let the memories litter the lawn of her brain. They weren't pesky weeds, they were bright and beautiful pollinators. 

She'd continue to water them with bits of the past and hope they'd continue to sprout.