Forget-me-not

Cynthia

She was practically skipping as the pair walked down the sidewalk towards her favorite restaurant. Giddy with delight, Cynthia could hardly contain her excitement. Her hand swung Seungmin's back and forth.

His fingers squeezed around her hand gently and he glanced over to read the names of the businesses as they passed by. The pair were walking downtown Seoul and Seungmin was attempting to find the location of Cynthia's favorite restaurant.

It was some small place that wasn't very big, but Cynthia absolutely adored it. She took Seungmin there on special occasions and he still remembered all of it. The smell of frying oil that tainted the air. The sound of sizzling beef as it cooked in the back of the building. The whirling of the soda machines as they filled cup after cup full of sweetened high fructose corn syrup.

The place was owned by a sweet older couple that Cynthia absolutely used to adore. He wondered if they knew what happened to her or not. He had run into a fair share of people that wanted to know what happened to Cynthia. Every single one he updated, it was another needle in his heart.

"I don't remember the car being this far away," Cynthia spoke up.

"It's not. We're not going to the car yet. There's somewhere else I want to take you. I think you're really going to enjoy it."

"Where is it?"

"It's a surprise."

Cynthia frowned and her eyebrows pinched together. "I don't know how I feel about surprises yet. Is it a good surprise?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's a place that we used to go to quite a bit. You really liked it and the people that owned the place."

Cynthia stayed quiet for a moment and glanced at the ground. Worry began to worm its way through Seungmin and he glanced over at her. Her giddiness seemed to dissolve in a silent despair "Are you alright?"

"Can I admit something?"

"Mm-hmm."

"People are kind of overwhelming. I think I really like them, but it's hard not being able to understand them right away. Like Ki-woo, for example, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot. It makes me feel strange knowing that people know me, but I don't know them. What if they don't like me?"

Seungmin hummed softly and ran one of his thumbs over hers. "I'm sure that it's hard, but a lot of people like you, Cynthia. Please don't worry too much about how people feel about you. At the end of the day, people just want you to be comfortable with everything. Try not to stress too much, you'll make your hair turn gray."

Cynthia's lips turned up into a small smile and he laughed. "Seriously though, you'll like this place. It's a smaller American diner and it used to be your favorite place to eat. There won't be a ton of people there today because it's the middle of the week. Maybe it'll help you remember some more things."

"I was born in America, right?"

"Yeah, you were."

"I wish I could remember it. Flora said I grew up there briefly until I moved here. It sucks that I can't remember much about it. I know about the ocean, but there's not much else to recall."

"You were pretty young when you moved here. Most of your past memories were ingrained here in South Korea. Maybe one day, we can take a trip to Hawaii. I've always wanted to see it too. I've heard a lot of good things about Hawaii."

Cynthia suddenly froze in her spot. Seungmin continued walking, but when he realized Cynthia had stopped, he turned around. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I-I don't think I want to go to Hawaii. When Flora and I were...and then she..." Cynthia's words came out scrambled, but Seungmin realized it instantly.

"We don't have to go there if you don't want to. It's alright, don't worry about it. It was merely a suggestion, but we don't have to go there."

She slowly nodded and began to walk again. Seungmin's heart ached in his chest. It wasn't fair that this was something that Cynthia had to struggle with. Flora destroyed her desire to return back to the place she was born.

There were so many words that he wanted to call Flora and none of them were nice. Whether she had meant to or not, she had destroyed parts of Cynthia that Seungmin wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to get back. If they came back, it'd take a while.

She used to be confident in her own skin. Sure she was quiet, but once she warmed up to you, she used to be outgoing. Seungmin seen it far too much now. She kept trying to make herself take up less space. It was almost like she wanted to be invisible to everyone.

Her arms crossed over her chest and her head hung low. When she asked questions, he knew that it took her a bit to build up the confidence. Every question seemed to be asked with caution. Apologies flew out of her mouth far more than they should have and they were lathered over the tiniest things that didn't need an apology.

It scared him and it worried him. He loved Cynthia for who she once was, but it wasn't who she was anymore. He wasn't sure how to mend her hurt and help her go back to who she once was. It almost felt like someone took his heart and threw it against a brick wall where it received scrapes and scuff marks.

It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. He wasn't the kind of person to vow revenge and Flora should have been glad. One post about the situation and she'd never know peace in her life ever again. He promised himself years ago that if he became big, he'd never use his influence for evil.

No matter how much he wanted to and no matter how much the itchy feeling gnawed at his skin, he'd keep the peace. That's what it means to be a bigger person. As much as he hated it, it was the right thing to do.

Beside him, Cynthia was in her own little world. Everything was like a new adventure for her. There were so many places and things that were unknown. Internally, she was battering herself and afraid she ruined everything just by a single reaction. She hated the idea of going to Hawaii. What if she went there with Seungmin and he left her there alone?

She hated that she even thought like that, but she couldn't help it. She liked Seungmin, but she came too close to losing everything. She almost lost him and the band. She almost lost the flower shop and her boss. If she hadn't escaped that fateful day, she'd probably be stuck in Hawaii with Flora, all alone and miserable.

When she sniffled, Seungmin glanced over full of concern. "Cynthia?" His voice came out softly.

"I'm really sorry, I just-" Before she could stop it, the tears began to well up. She hated it. She hated that she couldn't stop them. She hated the lump that began to form in her throat. She hated all of it.

It wasn't such a big deal and yet it was. She didn't want Seungmin to think she was a child. Flora used to tell her that crying was childish. She rubbed her palms over her eyes to wipe away the beginning tears. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For crying. For getting upset. For being a big baby. I'm sorry."

Seungmin didn't utter a word. He gently tugged her into his arms and pressed her head into his chest. Cynthia's eyes squeezed shut and her teeth bit into her bottom lip. The pain was a brief distraction from the ongoing tears.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything. You're okay and I'm okay. We're both okay. You're not doing anything wrong. You're allowed to be upset and hurt. There's nothing wrong with that."

She couldn't stop the floodgates from opening. How pathetic and miserable, she thought. The first sob came out as a choke before she broke down, right there in the middle of Seoul.