Forget-me-not

Seungmin

Seungmin's sulking was starting to become obvious to everyone besides himself. A few days after the potential rat incident, Seungmin and Felix were sitting across from each other at an outdoor picnic table. An iced americano sat in Seungmin's hand and some sort of tea was in Felix's.

Felix was well aware that something was wrong with Seungmin, but he refused to talk about it. Being older than Seungmin and I.N, he felt that it was his responsibility to take care of them. Seungmin turned into a melted popsicle around Felix. It was nearly impossible to stay bottled up around his positive energy and Felix knew it.

The water was pretty still out in the Han river. A few boats were out in the distance and Felix's attention went towards the blue-bottomed duck boats. An overhead structure curved and created protection from the glaring sun. Towards the front, the structure swooped up into a neck and created a head and yellow beak. Two beady dark eyes gave the appearance of two eyes.

Some people said they were swan boats and others called them duck boats. Whatever they were, Felix absolutely adored them. With glittering eyes, he turned his attention back towards Seungmin. "Do you want to go ride one of those boats?"

Seungmin's only response was a simple shrug. A grin stretched across Felix's face. He stood up, grabbed Seungmin's hand, and jerked him over to pay. Out on the glistening water, he was sure Seungmin would be at peace. It wasn't the first time that they'd be out in the boats. Seungmin was a sucker for good scenery.

Nearly twenty minutes later, Felix was laughing and steering them into the endless blue waters. Beside him, Seungmin leaned his head up against one of the posts and stared off into the distance. Felix's idea was a good one because, for once in the past few days, he felt his body start to relax.

The boats could only go so fast, but that didn't stop Felix from attempting to go faster. The sunlight reflected off his eyes and created pools of honey. His pearly white grin made Seungmin start to smile. "Wee!" Felix cried out. "Look at that! We look like them and they look like us!"

White birds weren't that far away from them. Yellowed beaks and matching beady eyes looked exactly like their boat. It must have been strange to see something look like you with people in it, Seungmin thought. Felix steered the boat closer, but the ducks weren't having it. They quickly shifted into a line and swam further into the water.

The sounds of bird squawking filled the air. The endless bright blue sky caused everyone to feel lighter. Spring was here after what seemed to be an eternity of winter. Seungmin's eyes shut and the boat slowed down again.

"Seungmin?" Felix's voice came out cautiously.

"Hmm?"

"I don't mean to pry, but I know something is wrong. I don't know what it is, but it's hanging over your head and sucking the life out of you. I know you don't like talking about your feelings much, but the guys and I are a little worried."

"You guys really don't know how to mind your own business, do you?"

"We can't help it, you're part of the family. We really love you, you know? Any time one of us is down, it causes the rest of us to feel worried. We run like a circuit and you already know that."

"I know."

A silence drifted between the two of them as the boat bobbed in the water. Seungmin's gut twisted because he wasn't sure Felix would be able to get it. Felix's empathy was a lot bigger than him and he was sensitive to others' feelings, but that didn't mean he'd truly get it.

"I feel like a piece of shit," Seungmin finally admitted. "You already know about Cynthia's engagement ring. To sum it up, I called off the engagement. I don't want to peer pressure her and she's still so fragile. It feels like the two of us are on a tightrope still hanging on, but we're losing our balance. There are moments when we're stable and then there are times where we lose our balance and free falling looks like the only option."

"Not to mention, Flora has her engagement ring. I told her I could get it back, but she doesn't want it and I just..." He trailed off. A lump was beginning to form in his throat. "Cynthia forgot, but I got that ring for her specifically because of her family. I can't believe Flora tarnished that."

"I picked out the emerald because I wanted to create an ode to her family. I always thought I'd be able to do things the traditional way. I wanted to meet the people who created such a lovely woman, but they're dead. I never got to meet her parents and I feel like I have in some ways. She always used to talk about how adoring they were. She insisted that they would have loved me."

He couldn't stop his eyes from watering no matter how much he tried. He blinked rapidly, but the tears wouldn't stop oozing up. His bare arm shifted across his face and he wiped the tears before they fell.

"I wanted to be able to ask them if I could marry her. They don't tell you that it's not possible when the love of your life has dead parents and the ring-" His voice cracked and he squeezed his eyes shut. "I got her an emerald ring because May's birthstone is emerald. She was born in May and her parents were both born in May too."

"I wanted her to have a piece of them with her. For the actual wedding ring, I was going to get her a ring with an emerald that was a little bigger. She might have been mine, but she was always theirs first. I-I can't believe Flora destroyed that. She doesn't even want it anymore and-"

"Oh, Seungmin." Felix shifted and wrapped the younger boy in a hug. Seungmin was only younger by a week, but Felix still felt responsible for him and his feelings. "It's okay to feel hurt about the situation."

"I hate her," he mumbled. "I hate what Flora did and I hate that Cynthia can't remember. I hate that she can't remember her family and she can't remember the good. I hate everything about this situation and I don't know how to stop feeling so helpless. I still love Cynthia and I want to marry her."

"You know what?"

Seungmin sniffled, "what?"

"I believe that there's a way that you still might be able to do that."

"How? I can't gaslight her and I refuse to do what Flora did. I'm not going to be selfish and gush about things. I want her to remember on her own and I don't want to try to sway her about her own feelings. I just want her to be happy."

"You've hung out with Cynthia a lot, but it's always usually with us around. Why don't you recreate some of the old dates you went on with her? Maybe if the two of you actually try to go back to having a proper romantic relationship, you'll feel a bit better. It might ease some of that confusion, hmm? It's better than circling around and falling into the same mundane routines. Relationships take work, remember? You always used to tell us and the guys that."

"You think I remember all the old dates? I know some of them, but we're always so busy. I should have taken more photos and videos and I-"

Felix laughed and pulled away.

"What's so funny?" Seungmin's eyes narrowed.

"You're so caught up in this mess that you forgot who you were engaged to. Don't you remember that Cynthia took photos of everything? Photos and videos and she made scrapbooks. That cracked phone that survived the accident, she had everything on there."

Seungmin froze and his eyes widened. "Holy shit, she always said she backed up everything into an email account. Plus, she had a physical flash drive that was full of everything. Felix," he grabbed hold of the front collar of his shirt, "you're a fucking genius."

"I've always said I am, but you refuse to believe it."

"Not when it comes to League of Legends."

A frown fell across Felix's face. He sighed and shook his head. "And he's finally back to normal."

"Put the boat in drive and head back to shore. Full speed ahead, you kangaroo-fuck. We've got endless dates to create and a woman to make fall back in love with me."