Munachi

|Chapter 31|

“What?!” I jump up out of my chair. “William! What're you talking about?!”

William stands too. He takes me by my hands and says, “But, Muna, you said you would understand me if I just put it in plain English.”

“But . . . but . . .” I'm speechless. He's standing very close to me, looking directly into my eyes as if he's trying to read the very thoughts inside my head. Only there are no thoughts to read. There is simply the “Yes!” that every fiber of my being is shouting.

He must have heard it because he leans forward and takes me in his arms and kisses my lips. I melt into his arms, and time stand still while I feel the warmth and passion of his kiss flood through my body. I love it. And when we parted, we stand looking at each other like we are the first two people on the face of the earth. He moves forward to take me in his arms again, but it's a mistake. The spell he'd woven around me is broken.

“No. No, William.” I step back and stumble into my chair. I allow myself fall into it.

“Muna, please.” Now he's down on one knee, kneeling in front of me. “Please don't say no until you've given it more thought.”

I stand up again. “No, William.” My mind is clearing at last. “I can't have anything to do with you. Or men.” I turn away.

“Is this about your past?” he says, rising and putting his hands on my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes. I feel I can barely breathe, but he is talking quietly and earnestly, “I promise not to hurt you, Muna. I am nothing like that man.”

“Sorry, but I can't marry you. Besides, you're not even a Christian.”

“It's alright. I'll do whatever it takes to become a Christian so that I can marry you.” He's speaking quickly now, as though he doesn't want me to say no before he can get all his arguments in. “I can help you as well. I'll put in money into the work you are doing here. Sooner or later, we'll start building a real hospital. Just think of all the good you can do . . . all the good we can do together. Please, Muna, don't say no. I love you so much, and I think we'd make a good team. At least give yourself some time to think it over before you give me an answer!”

I can't believe I'm hearing this. I'm shocked and appalled. He's promising to become a Christian and support me with money just so he can marry me. How can he think such a thing! As if having access to his money will make me agree to it. How can he possibly imagine I'm so shallow and so greedy? The shock and turmoil of William's surprise is rapidly turning into fury in my heart.

“William, it sounds to me like you want to marry me as a business arrangement. You say you love me, but you don't know the first thing about me if you don't know the God I serve.”

“Muna—”

“No,” I repeat, really angry now. “How dare you? What do you take me for? Marry me for the money you have! And then you'll do me a favor of turning into a Christian! William, how dare you!”

“That isn't what I mean, Muna, and you know it. You know I love you. You women know these things long before we men even have the first clue. So don't act surprised and hoity-toity.” Hoity-toity?  “I am just trying to take the practical approach here. But I see now how wrong I was. All you want is the mushy stuff about loving God and loving you and romantically going off to foreign lands to save the souls of the lost. Despising men for your entire life? Well, forget it! And by the way, I noticed you didn't have a particular aversion to kissing me either. I didn't exactly receive a slap across my face, did I?”

I can't believe my ears. How did things get this bizarre so quickly? William is pacing back and forth across the veranda. Suddenly I want him gone. I'll deal with the aftermath of his appalling scene later when I've composed myself. But first I must get rid of William. With a conscious effort I control my voice and say, “Leave. Leave my house right now. I don't care where you go. Trek back if you must. Just get out!”

“Muna, I am sorry—”

“I said get out!”

I stand, watching William disappear into the darkness, and until I'm sure he isn't coming back. Then I turn, run into the house, and threw myself onto my bed. I cry painful, deep, racking sobs, until I think my lungs will surely burst out of my body.

A long time on, when I'm utterly spent, I suddenly feel it's terribly important that no one knows what has happened. If no one knows, then it never happened. Life can continue in its usual placid, practical way, as though bizarre encounters in the night with strange men never, ever occurs. If only I can erase the whole experience from my mind.

I spend the rest of the night praying. I beg God to remove the memory from my mind. I beg Him to erase William from my heart. I beg to just go back to my simple old self, the self is before I've ever met William. “It's a simple request, and surely You could answer me soon, Lord,” I pray. “Please answer my prayer quickly.”