merry christmas, meanie

Memories

Mingyu shuts himself in the bedroom he shares with Wonwoo. He'd just come back from the hospital with nothing to look for on the bright side, hugging Jieun in the living room lightly, before he slammed the door close. He feels absolutely disgusted at himself for leaving the child alone, but he eventually decides he needs some time to compose himself.

It's Monday -- the day he told Wonwoo over a week ago, that he had the presentation for his code. Mingyu doesn't care, neither does he even remember the essential date today. He's too confused and angry to think straight.

He slides down against the door. He hates his life - he absolutely loathes it. It never failed to mock him. The imagery of Wonwoo's accident still refuses to leave him alone, as his mind replays it vividly every chance it gets. The way even Wonwoo looked confused, clutching the stupid fucking puppy in his arms, as the car collided with his body. The fucker in the car didn't even bother to check what he did, and he just left on his way without noticing.

And then Mingyu sees himself rushing out of the ambulance, and the turmoil doubles from there. His mum's and Wonwoo's scenes overlap, switching back and forth, making Mingyu remember the seriousness of the older incident. How heart-breaking it was.

That sparks a wicked fear in Mingyu. Maybe it had always been there, but now that he's alone, it grows larger and larger.

His breathing gets heavier, too shallow for him to catch up with it, and his legs tremble although he has the floor underneath holding him up. He screams, cries, until it all dissolves into barely-audible whimpers within his throat. His chest heaves, and he begins coughing violently.

What if Wonwoo can't make it? What if Mingyu's left alone again - but with a new, sick trauma episode embossed three feet deep in his mind, scratching at the old memories he's spent all these years trying hard to forget and keep hidden?

Mind clouded to see ahead clearly, Mingyu shuts his eyes close to keep out any sensory attractions. Just then, a blaring horn announces the presence of a vehicle, from the window. Mingyu's heart pounds against his chest. When he holds a palm to his chest as a poor way to calm his heart, he notices something red staining his T-shirt. He looks at his palm - its base was covered in small, vicious cuts that seemed suspiciously like fingernail marks, and it bleeds profusely.

Not giving a single fuck to his ruined top, Mingyu finds himself blurring away from his surroundings, as everything slowly goes silent and his vision is no better than a reflection in a mirror out in the rain; everything's visible, yet nothing's clear enough to understand.

•

Little, urgent taps send vibrations through the door, and to Mingyu's back. As he's processing what the fuck's going on, the taps get faster and more desperate. Jieun.

Mingyu stands up in an instant, although his eyes and ears disagree with the sudden whiff of movement, and opens the door. Jieun stands outside, tears pooling in her little eyes, as she stares helplessly at Mingyu. "GyuGyu?"

"I'm so sorry, please, I'm really sorry." Mingyu begs, crouching on his knees to engulf Jieun in a hug. Jieun's small arms wrap around his neck, her eyes wetting his shoulder. "I got scared." She mumbles.

"I'm sorry. What were you doing?"

"I fell asleep. I saw you and Daddy."

That makes Mingyu cry in no time. He clutches at Jieun, feeling extremely liable for leaving her alone without warning. His heart twists and wrenches when he hears Jieun ask him, through her sobs, the same question for the millionth time. "Will Daddy be okay?"

Even giving the same answer over and over again makes Mingyu feel like a failure, because it only lets Jieun down every time. He has no clue to what he should reply. Staying silent would worry her even further. "I have no idea. But I hope he does."

There's an underlying fear in his words, which he's thankful Jieun can't catch just yet.