My Beautiful Doll

Chapter Forty Four

Don knew he had the self-preservation instincts of a newborn baby. But, even he knew that now would be the best time to run away and pretend none of that happened. Unfortunately, with him stuck to the bed, the only thing he can do is try to salvage the situation. "Look buddy, I-"

"Don't buddy me" Charlie hissed, looking angrier than Don's ever seen him before. "I don't want you to protect me, I want the truth!". Don opened and closed his mouth, finding himself unable to speak. Billy had walked out right after Charlie barged in, probably to give them some privacy although he wished that he stayed, mostly because Don didn't think he had the capacity to deal with an angry Charlie alone. "Don...I've watched you time and time again shut yourself out from me, from Dad, from the team...everyone!" He exclaimed, his hands waving wildly. "You bury everything within you, hoping that no one ever sees...but I do."

That was like a punch in the gut for Don. He went through his memories, trying to find instances where his mask broke but came up empty. How? He made sure no one noticed, not even their parents.

As if reading his mind, Charlie answered. "It's because you never broke. There is no one in this world who holds themselves together like you, Don. Strong and calm no matter what. But then I saw what you had to deal with, what you had to face, saw that despite everything that happened you never faltered." Charlie hesitated for a moment, fumbling with the edges of his own shirt. "I've only been in your world for a year and I'm already overwhelmed. And I'm only doing the math here. I'm not the one responsible for the lives of others or a whole team of agents. I'm not the one everyone blames if something goes wrong. The thought of even getting blamed for something that big scares me." Then Charlie looked up, eyes brimming with tears as he got nearer, step by step. "But then I saw you take the blame for my mistakes, for the mistakes of other agents with no complaints, only a smile." Charlie took a deep shuddering breath, "you try so hard to protect everyone, you never thought about protecting yourself."

Don inhaled sharply. That's our core problem isn't it? Charlie with his strong need to find answers, Don with his strong need to protect everyone. He knew eventually these two beliefs would come toe to toe with each other, he just didn't realize it would be like this.

"You know I hoped that one day, you'd let me in. Hell! I would be okay if you let anyone in. But...you never did." Charlie started to pace around the room in agitation, clearly having an abundance of energy with no way of using it. Not in this small space. "I just want to know why? Why do you do this?"

Don sighed, not even sure if he could explain it and keep his dignity intact. "I...I have people counting on me Charlie" he said, trying to make sure to keep his own emotions out of it. "I can't do my job if I get emotional. These agents need a reliable leader."

"You're dodging the question and you know it" Charlie bit out. "I wasn't asking about why you're always calm, I'm asking why you never told anyone. Is it because you were afraid that we wouldn't respect you if we knew?"

Don couldn't help but flinch violently away, cursing himself for physically reacting. Charlie's expression changed as the realization hit him like a truck. Don had to look away, afraid of what he'll see in Charlie's eyes.

"Don...I don't think that there's anything in this world that would stop us from respecting you."

A dark look crossed his face as Charlie said that, an unpleasant memory popping up. One that featured his old mentor. Don knew that wasn't true, that there were things that he's done in the past that would warrant everyone losing respect for him. He had somewhat made peace with his precarious position. But this entire thing shook the foundations of it, threatening to send everything he's ever worked hard for crashing into the empty void below.