Awoken (Ilea, Book I) (COMPLETED)

Chapter 19 (A short explanation)

The next morning I opened my eyes while mixed up thoughts and emotions swirled in my mind. I closed them again and tried to clear my head before I went to the bathroom along the landing and splashed my face with water. It felt so good that I turned to the door which was already shut and pulled the bolt into the frame so that I could have some privacy as I dragged off my dirty clothes. I cupped my hand under the cold water and rubbed it against my skin, cleaning off the grime that had accumulated there during my journey from Elmira. I felt a little disgusted at myself when I realised how long it had been since I had last washed.

After my body was clean I plunged my clothes under the flume of water and scrubbed at them mercilessly until there wasn’t a single stain left and they smelt reasonably fresh. There was no soap in the bathroom and I made a note to ask Senkrad for some later today. I quickly heated the moisture out of my clothes and put them back on, feeling a lot fresher.

As I walked into the kitchen I heard a noise outside the door to the garden; Senkrad was walking up the path to the house with a basket of fruit under his arm. I stepped back slightly to let him through the door and then sat down at the table as he washed and chopped the fruit, adding white creamy yoghurt to the top of it. He placed it on the table in front of my and sat down.

“I am sorry.” He looked up at me carefully, “I know I should not have questioned your teaching yesterday; I do want to learn how to fight,” I paused, wondering whether to try and explain further, “I seem to be angry a lot recently, angry or sad; my emotions jump around almost uncontrollably and my temper flares at the smallest things.” I sighed feeling sad at how much I had been affected against my will.

“I do understand Ilea.” I met his gaze, surprised. “We are elves – our temperament is closely linked to nature and the elements. Picture a fire; sometimes it slowly builds to warm you and other times it bursts into life rapidly burning you, anger is similar to this. Our changing nature is uncontrollable yet beautiful.” I nodded understanding what he meant.

“But why does it only seem to be anger and pain that have been affected?”

“Is that where you think the only changes have happened? Pain and anger walk hand in hand but what reasons have you had to be happy recently Ilea?”

I could not think of any and simply shook my head.

“Exactly – We react to the emotion that is the most powerful within us. When you have reason to be happy you will laugh and feel more elated than you ever have; your laugh will make the birds sing and the flowers bloom. How could you expect to make the sun shine when your heart is so dark?”

He began to eat his food as if the conversation had never happened but I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. It was my grasp at hope; the reason I had turned into a monster was not because that is who I am my core, but because I have not  been given any reason to act another way. I thought of all the events that had happened and realised that, even before i changed, I would have been made angry or annoyed or sad by those same things. I  cautiously toyed with the idea in my mind, beginning to understand that being an elf hadn’t changed who I was; it had simply heightened how I reacted emotionally. It was harder to control myself because I felt everything stronger, but having stronger feelings didn’t make me evil.

A smile touched my lips as I mulled it all over in my head.

Senkrad’s next question pulled me out of my reverie, “Have you ever been taught how to dance?”