Always Have Been, Always Will Be

06

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Chapter 6

Crave

"How's school so far?"

I shifted on my seat as I was pretending to write down some notes on my notebook in front of my screen.

Well, not really pretending—kasi natapos ko naman talaga ang mga iyon. I was just doing it so mommy would see that I was doing something school-related and not just lying down on my bed on a Friday night.

I doodled some random shapes before raising my eyes to look at her through my phone. She was on a front seat of a car wearing her usual glamorous clothes which made me wonder what her work was on the States.

Come to think of it, she never told me what her work was going to be. The only thing she told me was that she was going to make money in there. For me.

Tumikhim ako.

"Ayos lang, Mommy. I've been reciting a lot and taking down lots of notes..." I replied at tsaka ibinagsak ulit ang mga mata ko sa papel sa desk ko.

Nang tumagal ang katahimikan, nagtaka ako kung bakit hindi sumagot si mommy, kaya buong akala ko ay napatay na yung tawag, pero nang iniangat ko na ang titig ko, nakatingin pa rin pala si mommy sa 'kin, hinihintay na magkuwento pa ako.

Lumunok ako.

"We've only had one test so far, but we haven't checked it yet."

"Did you study for it?"

"Of course," agaran kong sagot, tila bang alam ko na kaagad ang karagdagan niyang itatanong.

I heard her breathe deeply so I momentarily stopped doodling, preparing myself for what she was about to say or ask next.

Feeling like I was walking on eggshells every time I was talking to her on the phone was getting tiring. But as much as I didn't like constantly preparing myself for another round of pressure, I was glad that mommy would always take the first move to call me and ask about my week.

It was those little things that kept me reminded that she still viewed me as her son.

"Have you had club elections yet? You need to be a President in at least one of them," she requested.

I bit the insides of my cheek.

"Wala pa, Mommy. Probably not yet for a couple of weeks."

She snorted.

"Ang tagal naman." She chuckled without humor. "How about your school publication? You need to be in one to join this year's journalism contests, you know," sunod-sunod niyang suhestiyon.

Hindi ko napigilang hilutin ang sentido ko.

"Yes, I know, Mom. But as of now, they haven't recruited anyone yet." Sinubukan kong hindi magtunog iritado. Madiin ang pagdapo ng lapis sa papel na sinusulatan ko, halos mapunit na nga iyon.

"Okay." She sighed. "Just make sure to keep what I have mentioned in mind."

Tumango na lang ako.

"We're here."

My eyes shot up to the screen again when I heard a man's low voice talking to my mother. Nagtagal ang titig ko sa screen ko, sinusuri kung ano ba ang nangyayari o kaninong boses ba iyon. Nanatiling nakatingin doon ang mga mata ko hangga't sa magtama na ang mga iyon sa kay mommy.

"Anyway, I got to go. Do well, Elize," sabi ni mommy bago ipinatay ang tawag.

Agad kong dinampot ang cellphone ko na para bang puwede kong ma-rewind yung buong call namin ni mommy, pero wala pa lang feature na gano'n. Suminghap na lang ako bago inilapag ang cellphone ko sa mesa na nakatalikod at inayos ang lapis ko at ang papel kong gusot at punit na.