Always Have Been, Always Will Be

19

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Chapter 19

Discovery

Some people say time goes faster when you are happy, but some also say that it's faster when your life is boring—I'm the latter.

Sa mga dumaang araw, parang wala lang ito sa akin. Sumisikat ang panibagong araw, lumulubog, hanggang sa hindi ko na namalayang maraming oras na pala ang dumaan. They say it's because when your days are empty, your life does not perceive any new memory for your brain to revel in, at dahil walang may nangyayari, pare-pareho lang ang iyong mga araw. Your head does not have anything to think about over and over again, the same way you do not have new things to process and experience, making your time frame fleet faster.

The first quarter examination just ended. It wasn't anything special because it felt like just any exam I've been through all my academic years. Of course, I studied hard for it, pulled out several all nighters just to busy myself to try to forget about...him.

Hindi man klaro kung ano na ba ngayon para sa kung ano man ang nagkaroon sa amin, pero sinusubukan ko na lang na kalimutan iyon. It didn't matter anymore. He might have liked me, but he still chose someone else. Ano naman ang magagawa ko kung iba yung pinili? At takot naman ako?

At tsaka, mayroong mas malaking bagay na dapat akong pinagkaabalahan sa kasalukuyan, kaya nagpasya na lang ako na doon ko na lang ituon ang aking pansin at hindi na lang muna magpapakita sa kaniya dahil wala namang rason para roon.

Slowly but surely, malalagpasan ko rin ito.

We were given a week off school for our sem break after the exams and it gave me enough time to find other stuff to be bothered with, explore myself, and discover my identity.

I found myself getting up from my bed and calling Mommy for a facetime since we haven't talked in a while. I assumed that whatever happened the last time we called was a big factor as to why we suddenly lost contact with each other, and as much as it bothered me to the core, I was willing to temporarily just forget about it and check up on her.

"Hello, Mommy. How are you?"

I was finally able to get ahold of her after a few attempts of calling.

She was on her bed as usual, a blanket over her chest and only her face was visible on my screen. Her serious eyes bore into me, but I could sense a hint of uneasiness in them for whatever reason.

Sinubukan ko na lang na huwag iyon pansinin at ipuna.

"Elize...you called..." She uttered in her night voice.

It was currently in the middle of the afternoon for me, but it was early in the morning for her in the States. It was evident that I had woken her up from her sleep seeing how disheveled her hair was and how puffy her eyes were.

I chuckled without humor.

"Yes, Mom. We haven't talked in a while. It has almost been two months since we last called each other." I tried to stifle a smile, just trying my best to start a chill conversation.

She closed her eyes and exhaled subtly before opening them again and peering at me.

"But it's currently two in the morning, Elize. You couldn't have chosen a better time?" She was slightly irritated.