Always Have Been, Always Will Be

18

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Chapter 18

Better

There are things we want to have in this world— wants we have to work hard for to attain, and wants that are already laid out, but the fear coming with it is the hindrance.

You might want something so bad that the thrill of having it bleeds through your bones, but you realize that nothing in this world is achieved without any consequences. It's like planting strawberries in a humid place—you know it's not going to survive, yet you do it anyway because you love strawberries. Then you remember that if you want something to thrive in order to benefit from it, you have to make sure it is in a place that best works for it.

Sauyer liked me, and I...felt something towards him. Usually, that would be the only thing that mattered and you could now fully love one another right away, but not me, not in my world. Sauyer was the strawberries that couldn't thrive in my humid place. He deserved better somewhere cold.

That was why I kept on ignoring and avoiding him for the last passing days. After I rejected him that day, he was persistent in contacting me that I would always shut him out every time. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him because if was put in front on the spot, I wouldn't know what to say and be able to bear the overwhelming emotions.

So when he stopped altogether, despite the ugly feeling in my gut, I was relieved. Mabuti na iyon. Hindi rin naman...kami puwede. May girlfriend siya, which is already bad enough, and I had my own world to deal with.

"Euclid, mayroong magpapa-chain sa 'yo."

"Wait, kailangan kong huminga." Sinapo ni Euclid ang kaniyang noo at kunwaring nagpa-akbay kay Grazen na tumatawa. "Papahingahin niyo naman ako, oh!"

Nginiwian siya ni Ashtina na may hawak na babaeng gusto magpapa-chain, namumula pa dahil sa kantyawan sa kaniya ng mga kaibigan niya.

"Huwag ka nang mag-inarte at halika na rito. Para 'to sa booth namin! Business 'to!" Singhal sa kaniya at hinila na galing sa pagkaakbay kay Grazen.

"Para ka na lang din nagbebenta ng shabu!" Sabat ni Euclid na tuluyan nang nahigit. "Sana talaga nanatili na lang ako at nagbantay ng booth namin..." Mahinang usal niya na kinakadena na ngayon sa babae.

"Kasalanan mo 'yan na ipinanganak ka sa ganiyang mukha. Panindigan mo," tugon ni Thaianara na nangingiti sa paghihirap ni Euclid.

"Ayaw ko na nga, e. Ikaanim ko na 'to at umaga pa lang! Mabuti sana kung si Mr. President, e hindi!" Nangingiyak-ngiyak na wika niya at pinalakad na palayo nila Ashtina.

"Ang drama nito. Pasalamat ka nga guwapo ka na, maganda pa," si Ashtina at sinimulan nang igaya sila palibot sa campus. Ten minutes daw silang malalakad na nakakadena.

Intrams came and it wasn't what I had in mind. I thought I would fully enjoy it since it was the first time I had friends to accompany me, but so far, the day has only been me and my preoccupied mind that couldn't seem to stray away from that day Sauyer confessed he liked me.

It still felt surreal. Halos hindi pa nga ako makapaniwala kasi bakit, at paano nga ba magkakagusto sa akin ang isang Aide Sauyer Cervantes? Na kilala bilang playboy at maraming kalandian na babae? Na ilang beses na nagsabi sa 'king straight siya?