Bound to Love

Chapter 15 1/2:

   I feel like my consciousness has disconnected from my body, which is now on autopilot. I don't move for what seems like ages as billions of thoughts rush through my brain all at once. It's a weird feeling, being disconnected from your body and not knowing how to proceed. It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's disorienting to say the least. I knew the second I saw them together that this would happen, but there's no preparing for it, or the rage that comes after. It's like losing my mother all over again, only this time I'm losing Nastasia, not through death, but through betrayal.

   The demons have caught up with me despite my best efforts to run from them. Seeing Nastasia and Michael together has snapped the little bit of self control I had left. I feel my body buzz with a need I never know how to meet. I need something, and I'm going to figure out how to get it. I stand at the door for a little while longer, watching them together. Not only is she with the man who knocked me unconscious, but she brought him to my safe space. She allowed him to infiltrate the most precious place in the whole world to me, the only place I ever feel truly at ease. Now it's ruined, tainted by that Russian motherfucker. Does she know who he is? There's no way she does, or she would've never done this to me, right?

   I have too many questions to walk into the restaurant and beat the shit out of him. I don't know what she knows, and I can't risk exposing the family in public like this. Is she in danger? I can't think straight. I need to lose myself in a woman, right now. To hell with my promise to Nastasia, that went out the window when she threw the ring at my face. I stagger backwards, away from the place I once called home, trying to get the scene of them together out of my head. I can't let them see me. There's more than just anger rushing through my veins, there's something else I'm not used to feeling. Nastasia hurt me, deep in my core. A feeling I haven't allowed myself to feel for a very long time. It feels like when father used to punish me, before I hardened my heart to him.

   I start to walk back to the car, fatigue and the alcohol causing waves of nausea. Mixed with the anger I feel, I'm surprised I can walk at all. I only make it to the end of the block before I spot my next conquest. She's a tall brunette with legs for days, I can tell even though they are hidden under her skirt. She looks sophisticated, and I feel the unknown need inside me grow stronger as I get closer to her. It's been so long since I've been able to bury myself in a woman.

   "Hello pretty miss, would you care to accompany me tonight. I can make it worth your while." I put on my most dazzling smile for her, and start to fish around in my pockets. Most hookers want to see cash upfront. She looks around, apparently confused when I pull out the cash.

   "Sir, I think you're mistaken, I'm just waiting for..."

   "For me, yes I know. Well here I am and I'd like to have you all night." I'm trying really hard not to slur my words as I approach her with the money in my hand, ready to go in for a kiss. I try to grab onto her for support, feeling my head spin as she easily side steps me and I fall to the ground.

   "Sir, what are you doing? I keep trying to tell you, I'm just waiting for my husband to finish in the lou. I'm not interested in your money!" She grabs her coat and tightens it around her, then begins walking back to the restaurant. I hear her words clearly, but they aren't registering in my head.

   "You fucking bitch! I know you want me, I can do things your husband can't." I start to get up on my feet, spitting out the blood from my lip. I fell face first to the concrete. The pain hasn't hit yet, but I can taste the coppery substance in my mouth. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor again, and then I do feel pain, everywhere. In fact, I see stars and an angry blurry face.

   "Get up motherfucker, you thought my wife was some kind of whore? Who the hell do you think you are?" Great, now I have Goliath here trying to be the knight in shining armor. I can hear his wife screaming in the background, begging him to just let it go. If only men listened to their wives more.

   "Hey man, it was a mistake, I meant no harm." My head hurts way too much to fight this guy right now, so I try to put my hands up in defeat. He keeps coming though, and I have no choice but to pull out my gun from my hip. His eyes widen when he sees it, and he holds his now frantic wife behind him. How chivalrous.

   "Look man, just go. We'll forget it ever happened."

   "Now you want to let it go since you see my motherfucking gun? You fucking coward." I scream the last part at him and cock my fist back, then connect it to his face. I see his body crumple and his wife falls with him, crying insults at me. Fuck, this wasn't supposed to be like this. I take one last look at his wife, and turn the other way back to the car, running as fast as my wobbly legs can take me.