Dirty

16 | YHWH

‭Isaiah 53:5 NLT‬

But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.

Ogechi laid immobile on the dirty mattress on the floor. She felt a hand crawl under her top and rested on her chest. Her head pounded like it was being hit by a hammer. She remembered completely wasting herself the previous night with alcohol and drugs in order to hide away the pain she felt from her argument with Naomi.

The person cuddled beside her placed a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning, sweetie."

"I'm not in the mood," she pushed his hands away. "What time is it? I'm going to be late for class." She tried to get up but the man beside her was still asking for something more. "I said I'm tired, Ben! Get off me." She snapped at him, pushing his heavy body off of her. Ogechi searched for her clothes on the ground.

"You're being violent these days. What's going on?"

Ogechi was frustrated as she tucked her leg into her jean trouser. So many things are going on. She's been feeling like her life has amounted to nothing useful. It's been hard getting Naomi's words out of her head. What kind of life is this? She feels like she could be something more instead of a druggie. Everything around her suffocated her and it felt like there was no breathing space. Her ankle was stuck at the foot of the trouser, fuelled with annoyance she growled and flung it away.

"Woah." Ben came behind her and wrapped his hands around her waist. "Calm down, babe."

"Don't touch me." Ogechi tried to remove his grip on her. She suddenly felt dirty. Tears of frustration formed in her eyes.

"Shhh, let it all go. I'm here." He kissed her hair. "What's the matter, hm? You've been cranky since you came back from your sister's place. Talk to me." He kissed the crook of her neck. "Come lay back down."

"Everything is not about sex Ben! You're disgusting. I'm here having a mental breakdown in this dirty apartment and you're only worried about your needs. Look at yourself." She pointed at his haggard body, unshaved beard, and dirty boxers he wore. "You know what? I don't know why I reduce myself to this level." She grabbed her things. From her phone down to her last underwear.

"We're done Ben. I need time for myself."

"What? No way, what did I do? You can't be done. If anyone is breaking up with anybody it's me."

Ogechi laughed. "Fuck you, Ben. Go chop shit. I have class in less than fifteen minutes."

It was his turn to laugh. "Nawa o. Since when did you give a damn about going for lectures? I thought it was all about the fun high life. The parties, the bodies, the booze. What changed? Or do you actually think you can change? You want to give this all up? You graduate this year and I'm sure your CGPA won't even bag you a second class lower. You can't be anything more than the cheap whore you are who sleeps around with any thing that has a-"

She slapped him.

Her hands shook but she did her best to keep them steady. She continued packing everything that belonged to her in her bag.

"You'll run out of money, Oge. You'll run out of the drugs and then you'll come begging to me. You'll come running on all your fours on the ground for me. And I'll be here to break you and pick you up again. Do you know why?"

"Shut up!" Her hands were shaking for real.

"Because deep down you're just a little girl looking for love. You're looking for acceptance and you'll realize it's only I who can make you happy, and nobody else. I'm the only one who can fill that hole in your heart."