Perennial Rose | {Levi x OC} | Shingeki no Kyojin |

Chapter 17: The Search for a Reason

Within Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters

I feel a sharp pain on my forehead and open my heavy eyelids to see Petra's amber eyes glaring down at me. I surge up and yell, "Petra!"

She puts her hands on her hips and retorts, "Renata, you've been waking up late these days. What are you even doing at night?"

I rub my eyes to conceal them from the blinding sun and reply, "I've been doing some work here and there for the Captain..." I trail off as I recall the events from last night. The bothersome self-doubt that he had given me during our conversation slowly fills my empty mind.

Petra turns on her heels and waves her hand, "It's good to see you working hard. By the way, Erwin and Hanji have arrived."

I get out of my bed and shiver from the chilling sensation of my feet on the cold cement floor-or possibly from her announcement. I swiftly walk towards my drawer and ask Petra, "Are they planning another meeting today?"

As I gather the contents of my uniform, she responds, "I think I overheard them talking about how they wanted to see you in training. You know, to see how you've progressed."

Erwin watching me train?

Oh, this is going to be an interesting day...

/~・~/

The crisp morning air is not cool enough to subdue my boiling fear for the man behind me.

My squad, Erwin, Hanji, Mike, and the other squad leaders are riding to the location in which I typically train. None other than the commander himself forced these busy officials to come along on this excursion. Soon we will arrive at the forest, and all their eyes will be on me from then on.

Erwin has already locked his eyes on me from the very start of this day. Strangely, I can feel his stare on my back.

As I bounce up and down on the saddle of my galloping horse, I reluctantly turn my head back. I feel my stomach jump out of place as those jeweled eyes immediately meet mine. The warmth of my cheeks rises and I face forward towards the horizon. I quickly take the hood of my cloak and pull it over my head, shading me from the morning sun. Somehow, I feel at peace in the isolated world inside the safe walls of the warm cloth.

This peace is abruptly put to an end as my hood is pulled away from an unknown force. I look to my side to see Levi elegantly riding his muscular black steed. His slick hair aimlessly flails around in the breeze and his dull eyes beam on my own as he calmly holds the reins of his horse. The captains' s green cloak flutters majestically behind him as the wind takes its course against him. His expression doesn't change as he says, "You look stupid with your hood on."

That unwavering, low-toned, and stern voice that I had been so accustomed to for the past few weeks pricks my skin with ghostly needles. This voice only reminds me of what he had told me the night before. He lied about his faith in my ability that day I made such a life-changing decision, making me reluctant in believing that my role here is to benefit my comrades.

I softly respond, "I'm cold." I deliberately pull my hood over my head once more; this time, with the intention of avoiding the captain's gaze. From the side of my eye, I notice the galloping hooves of a white horse on my opposite side. Fully recognizing these hooves to be of the commander's horse, I snap at my own reins to elicit an acceleration of my horse's speed. I feel a greater breeze blow on my bare face as I proceed in front of the rest of the group.

And Erwin also lied to me... For what exact reason does he want me here? After fully realizing the possibility of his hidden motive as I listened to Levi's words last night, I have come to think that he also doesn't believe that I can contribute to the reform with my supposed ability.