Perennial Rose | {Levi x OC} | Shingeki no Kyojin |

Chapter 29: Fateful Stairway

Within Wall Rose, Survey Corps Headquarters

It's strange how even a small change in environment can make you feel extremely out of place.

I stare at the blank wall and pull the coarse bed sheet over my nose. A warm glow enlightens the darkness of this room, making the colors of the room a palette of various shades of grey. I had lighted a single candle on my nightstand before going to bed in hopes of lulling myself to sleep with its peaceful flickering. It seems that I underestimated the time it would take me to fall asleep, for it has been an excruciating two hours since then.

After officially being promoted to Squad Leader, I have been given my own office and separate bedroom in a hallway just below the Special Operations Squad quarters. The layout of the corridor in which I have been relocated to is similar to the one I initially stayed in. Two rooms with several bunk beds line one side of the hallway, separating the female and male troops of my potential squad. My one office and bedroom are conveniently on the opposite side, right in front of the rooms of my future subordinates.

I slowly turn to my side, pulling the covers closer to my body. I'm so tired, but I just can't get myself to sleep...

And I need all the sleep I can get. Tomorrow is a very important day. The incoming trainees for this year will be arriving in the morning. They will be assigned to their individual squads thereafter. I am curious to know who I will be in charge of, but a small seed of fear has been planted in me as well. What if they end up being a wild, rowdy bunch? I have a few doubts on whether or not I'll be able to control them. What if they're painfully stubborn? I can't imagine trying to give orders to such people.

In the end, I feel that these are not the reasons as to why I fear my future squad. I feel as if their precious yet delicate lives are in my hands. Whatever decisions I make will drive them in a certain direction. What if I lead them in the wrong way? An unsettling sensation pains my stomach at the thought of it.

The pain suddenly grows extremely worse and I thus conclude that this is not due to nervousness. I crouch in a fetal position to hopefully relieve me of this sudden affliction, but it still continues to tangle my insides in a tight knot.

For some reason, this sensation does not feel unfamiliar. I know this feeling quite well, but it's been such a long time since I've experienced this pain.

This intense stomach cramp is a symptom of my menstruation.

Why do women have to be cursed with this monthly torture?

I acknowledge that my menstrual symptoms are rather extreme. I always experience excruciating stomach cramps during the first night when it is most heaviest. And when I say excruciating, I mean the pain of a hundred daggers stabbing me.

Now I definitely know that I will not be able to sleep for the night.

"Why did it have to come now..." I murmur as I bite hard on the bed sheet. The last time I menstruated was when I was with Derik and Valda. The night was bearable, however. Valda had given me an effective powdered medicine for pain relief.

That medicine...

I step out of my bed and limp my way around the room. I search the insides of drawers, boxes, and bags for the sack of powdered tonics and herbal medicines Valda had given me on the day I left her residence. However, they are nowhere to be found.

As the pain still wanes on, I gradually fall down to my knees, clenching my stomach.

What if I dropped that sack while I was moving my belongings to my new room?

"Dammit," I whisper to myself in frustration.

I'm such a lucky person.

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