Pretend

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Newt’s P.O.V

I was breaking. Slowly, steadily, gradually, I was falling apart. I was going to be something evil, something not even recognizable as once human.

Maybe I should say something. Maybe I should tell somebody. Maybe I should speak up and request a side mission for another cure like the one Brenda got.

If we focus on me though, all of the attention won't be on Minho. That would make saving him harder than it has to be because of me. I can't do that to him. I won't do that to my best friend.

It’s wrong how now that I actually want to live I’m going to die. It’s every level of messed up that there is. I overcame so much. I felt okay waking up in the morning. I made friends who mean the world. I got an amazing girlfriend that I had an entire future planned with.

Not anymore I guess. Just as my life begins, it will end. Just like that, it's lights out for me.

Sighing, I sat on the roof, ignoring the chill from the morning air. In my short sleeves, I looked at the growing bite, wondering how it could all come to this.

Deep down, I know Y/N will come looking for me soon. She’s not a very good sleeper so when she wakes up and realizes I’m not there, she’ll try to find me. She probably will too. I’ll probably tell another lie for the sake of keeping attention off of me. 

Figuring there was too much sunlight for comfort now even though it was just my eyes adjusting, I slipped my jacket pack on and went to leave. Plus, I swear that I'm going to vomit if I kept looking at it. I’m both repulsed by it and amazed that I’ve kept this under wraps for so long. Surely, that's some kind of record. Longest hidden Crank transformation. That's worthy of a trophy.

Too bad the reward is Minho living a nice life and me dying.

While I’m nothing but relieved that he’ll end up okay, I’m admittedly bitter about the cards I’ve been dealt. It's like the game was rigged from the start and definitely not in my favor.

I’m a lot more tired than I’ve ever been now, and I know that getting up hours before everyone else isn't helping. I’m sure it will take a toll on my face too. I’m probably going to die with dark bags under my eyes.

I’ve got to play it cool until then. I’ve got to go under the radar, get Minho, and make sure everyone I care about and love gets out of the city and to the Safe Haven. Plain and simple.

Putting my hand on the door, I went to open it only for it to fly open, nearly hitting me in the face. Letting go, I quickly backed away a safe distance. Standing straight up, I found myself completely calm. I guess after getting jumped by a bunch of Cranks the things that used to startle you just seem less significant.

My girl was standing there, a sheepish expression on her face as she apologized for not knocking. Playing with her hands, she met my eyes as waited for me to respond.

“It's okay. You didn't know I was here,”I assured her, giving her a genuine, hopefully regular smile. Letting out a relieved sigh, she then asked what I was doing up here anyways.

As I looked at her, at her sweet face, at her warm eyes, at her soft lips, at her gentle and full of kindness personality, I was overcome with the urge to blurt it all out. I just wanted to drop to my knees and cry. I just wanted her to promise that she wouldn't even tell anybody but instead hold me tight and never let me go.

“Just thinking,”I shrugged.

I would not be doing any of those things. Not today, not tomorrow, and not for as long as I can help it. While I’m still in control, I’m going to savor every bit of it.

I'm also going to treasure every second I have left with her. Not the stressed out ones spent arguing and planning. Nice and peaceful moments that would give her just a few more good memories before I left.

“Do you want to sit out here for a little bit and watch the sunrise with me?”I offered.

“Of course. You know that's basically my favorite date with you,”She accepted, a wide grin on her face as she stepped out and shut the door behind her. Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I placed a kiss on her temple as I walked her over to the edge to just sit and talk.

“Yeah. Mine too,”I agreed. Resting her head on my shoulder, she held my hand that was around her as her other was on my knee. Placing my free hand over that one, I traced circles on her knuckles with my thumb as I took a deep breath, taking in her scent of honey. A scent just as soft and comforting as her.

“I know you tell me I say it enough, but just in case I haven't lately, I love you,”She told me, the happiness clear as day in her tone.

“I love you too. Remember that no matter what I’ll never stop loving you? Remember that I only ever want you to be happy? Okay?”I whispered, holding back a lump in my throat.

“I know that, and moments like these are enough to keep me going. They're that consistent, good thing that I just know we’ll have forever. You know what I mean?”

Closing my eyes to stop the tears, I squeezed her hand as I tried to pretend her words were true.

“Yeah. I do.”

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