Hurt, Pain, Regrets

Troubles

I'm blind,
I'm dumb, 
I believe in masks,
even if I have one myself.
I believe in those
cracks, people call smiles.
I'm so oblivious 
to the people around me.
I don't try to look deeper
into their hearts and souls.
to me, 
a smile equals a perfect life. 
I was so wrong.
I feel so stupid for thinking that. 
I need to look deeper and longer.
I need to stop being so stupid,
so oblivious.
I have a mask of my own 
and yet I believe in others'.
I always feel so trapped
between these four thick walls.
each second that passes by,
they inch closer to me,
and I find it harder to breathe.
I choke on my own tears,
and get lost in my thoughts. 
my pillow's soaked;
my blankets tossed;
a mess of my floor;
bruises on my hands and knees;
music drowning my cries;
dark bags under my eyes.
but the next morning,
a smile stretches my lips. 
I'm too clueless to know that 
everyone else does the same. 
they also taste the
ocean water on their lips.
the lack of sleep they carry 
under their eyes.
the emptiness behind 
their words. 
the prayers they say 
under their breath. 
I'm too 
blind,
stupid,
oblivious,
self-centered,
to see that we are all 
the fucking same.