If Only...

SOUR AS VINEGAR

"Do I look drunk?"
Lily asks with wide eyes and wild hair, facing Brian by the car, in front of Danny's place.

I would answer deranged and hysterical to that question, but unfortunately Lily only listened to Brian as long as such things were concerned. It was his speciality, apparently.

I am presently standing in the front yard and waiting for Lily to agree to go inside--she wouldn't until she was convinced this wasn't going to be 'a repeat of 2013'; whatever that means, with my shoes clutched firmly in one hand, and the satin ribbon-tied bouquet in the other. It had landed into my hands not thirty minutes ago . . .

Once the guests had started to depart offering the four of us their compliments; which happened much too quickly to my surprise, both Lily and Brian had been relentless about another wedding coming and having to plan it. I had rolled my eyes and ignored them, of course, but there was only so much saturation one could have to their patience.

Even after raising a baby. Alone.

They had kept at it as the catering service and the DJ collected their things and left, and just before I could shut them up, they did.

It was like they could read my mind.

Or probably just Danny's face.

I look up to him now, and find him staring at the porch steps.

He hasn't said a word since.

I had asked him what was bothering him, but he'd give me a fake and insufficient smile and say he was okay. I wanted to dig deeper, but the Dunphys can be unbelievably nosy. I've been waiting for a chance to talk to him alone since the bouquet.

That's when he had stopped talking.

Technically, we are alone now and out of earshot . . .

"No, baby. You look beautiful."

We watch Brian grin and grip Lily's waist.

"Bri, I'm serious. . . Do I smell drunk?"

"Well . . ." He smiles in a way I have never seen him do and holds Lily closer.

"We'll just have to see about that."

I turn away with a small smile, trying to block out Lily's shrieks and giggles. I realize that Danny is still gazing at nothing in particular, thinking very hard about something.

But what? . . .

I glance down at the bouquet that suddenly weighs like lead, and sigh.

Danny's peculiar mood had not gone past Lily, and she had said that he was probably musing over what had happened.

But it didn't even count! . . .

April made me catch it.

That was all Lily had said, before turning back to the large piece of cake in her styrofoam plate. We had all shared the last of the cake; and that is all I can say for dinner.

Lily had texted Aynsely to go ahead with their dinner.

I sigh again and look longingly to the door, tapping my bare feet on the grass. There must be some kind of fungus growing on the underside by now. I have walked all of the evening bare foot.

But it was worth it.

I smile up to him, but Danny's eyes are still miles away. Whatever sorrow or difficulty he is feeling; I can too. I don't like seeing him this way. It's like the earth is spinning in the wrong way. If only he would tell me what has him worrying so much . . .