If Only...

RIGID AS SALTED COD

I am numb everywhere.

But my chest feels like it's been skewered and thrown over the coal. Every nerve ending stings, and it was the only reason why I could feel his hand.

'Breathe with me.' His voice sounds somewhere in between the deafening silence, and all the touch receptors come to life, sensing even the slightest shift in weight.

'In!' It breathes, and his hand lifts so I have room to inflate. The air that I draw in brings along with it an inferno like I have never known.

'Out!' The voice commands now, and the weight of the hand presses down, crushing my chest. I cry out, only bringing myself more pain. Nothing I do or don't do reduces the pain.

'I know, baby. I know it hurts but you can do this.'

My reply comes out in a squeal, as he presses down again, making the fire exit my lungs. But then it returns, again, and again . . .

I continue breathing with him, despite all odds, and it might have been very minimal, but I could feel the blood slow down and flow to my limbs.

'That's my girl. Again!'

I obey this time around too. It hurts like hell, but it was better than an entirely numb body.

'I should've gotten you checked when I saw that rash . . .'

I want to protest. I want to tell him that this has nothing to do with that, but then the possibility stands there with a snarl; almost mocking me.

'Tap once for yes and twice for no, okay?'

Tap

'Has this happened before?'

Tap-tap

'Are you on any medication you forgot to tell me about?' The voice strains, and it stings even more now.

Tap-tap

'The doctor who delivered Rosie. Is she at the St. Sebastian Hospital? Dr. Hart?'

Tap?

'It was behind the photo you gave me.'

Oh.

I gulp down the blood, and feel it flow through the fiery tube down to my stomach. But I didn't need Val to tell me that that was not where it had come from.

'Almost there, baby. Hold on.'

It is only now that I hear the distant honking of car, and feel the movement. A few muffled bumps and turns later, a sharp screech erodes through the thick air in my ears, and then I'm in the air again.

It isn't night anymore.

Bright light shines everywhere, but it isn't warm. The sunlight is supposed to be warm. It worries me that maybe it's because of the numbness, but the burn in my chest was still there.

'Help!'

His broken voice is closer to my ear, but I'm still cold. There is nothing I want more than to wake up.

'What's the problem?'

I hear another calm voice; of a man's, but it was fading. I could only pick up bits and pieces, as I felt myself fall through the comatose waters.

' . . . can't breathe . . .'
'. . . . asthmatic?'
' . . . no. Please help her!'

My back eventually hits something soft and flat, and I couldn't smell him anymore. Cold and unfamiliar fingers force my mouth open wide, and then I hear a gasp.

'ER! Now!'

I hear shuffles and harried voices, mumbles and hurried orders but not him.

'No . . . Danny . . . '

Another voice says, bubbled and meek. I touch my mouth and feel it moving in time with the words, but I know that isn't my voice. This has to be a dream.

'I'm right here, sweetheart. . . you're okay.'

Something sweaty grips my hand, and then squeezes gently. It didn't feel very assuring. I mumble something in opposition, and something warm pecks my forehead.

'You're okay, baby. They'll help you now, okay? I-I'll be right outside--'

'Don't leave me.'

Hot tears trail down my face, but all I can see is the blinding white.

Please let me wake up . . . please let me wake up . . . .

'I'm right here, my love. I'm right here. You'll be okay . . . . Just trust me. I won't let you go.' Another peck, another squeeze, and then he's gone.

'Promise me.' I choke, and the blood rises again. Where is he?

His scent fades into the air, and the cold rushes in again.

'I-I promise.'

Sounds his slowly receding coo as I fly through the air again, away from him. He's not leaving me. He promised.

He'll be there when I wake up.

When I wake up . . .