Keeping Secrets (Book I)✔️

Chapter Eighteen

Eric:

Chloe's lips were on mine but they weren't the same. They didn't feel as good, they weren't hers. We were in my car and parked outside of her house. She was straddling me and had her hands in my hair. Every time she kissed me I couldn't help but compare it to when I was with Flo. We took a breath and when I looked at her I had this sudden realization of what I was doing. What the hell are you doing here? I thought. I took her gently off of me and said goodnight.

"Don't you want to come in?" she purred in delight. Thank god she hadn't realized there was something wrong.

"Maybe next time, I have to get going."

"Night." She leaned over and kissed me, whispering in my ear before leaving and going into her house. Once she had shut the car door I looked ahead and let out a long breath.

I felt horrible and guilty, it was the worst I've ever felt. I couldn't help but think of Flo and it crushed me. This plan to get my mind off of her wasn't working at all, I needed to give up. I crossed a line tonight, a line I knew from the start not to cross. I just felt the need to get away from Flo, even though she wasn't near me. I was terrified of what I felt for her and my feelings had only grown stronger. I hated myself right now, why was I so stupid?

I would never talk about tonight, I would keep it a secret and never tell. I told myself that from now on, I was going to show Florence just how much I really liked her and how much I wanted to be with her. I was going to put this night behind me, it was a slip-up but there would be no more. The thoughts of all of this scared me too much though. I had a knot in my stomach.

I drove for a while that night to try and escape my thoughts. The music blared and I air brushed off of my face but when I returned home nothing had changed. I wanted to tell Flo how much I was sorry and I realized now what she meant to me but if I told her everything she would be hurt? She would never give me a chance, I knew that for sure. So lying to her is better Eric? My subconscious butted in.

I went to bed with a heavy cloud lurking over me. My eyes were wide open, I couldn't even think about sleeping. I just looked up at the white ceiling and lay with my hands out at each side of my double bed. I wished she was here with me, even if she was sleeping, she could make me feel better. She always did.

I remembered the nights we'd spent here and felt the spot beside me on the bed. God, I was so confused right now, I thought. I didn't know what I was doing, or what I wanted to get out of being around Chloe. I felt like I was going crazy, I tossed and turned all night and still hadn't come to a conclusion.

I had made my decision. I thought that I could leave this behind, I would have to pretend to Flo that it never happened and things would go back to normal. Yes, it did sound better than having to tell her the truth. Although I knew it really wasn't the right thing to do, I couldn't lose her, not now.