They Call It Depression {edited}

Chapter Two

The next morning, I'm scrolling through Facebook as I sip my coffee at the kitchen table. I pass status updates about finals and graduation; photos of my friends at Pampered Chef parties and Sunday night youth group. Then my eye catches something that makes me stop scrolling.

It's a status update from my ex-boyfriend Brandon Waller. He says he just got a new puppy named Patton. Memories of our high school relationship come rushing back before I can stop them.

- - -

After I was raped, Brandon was the first person I told. We were about to start our sophomore year of high school. He said he wanted to find the guy and kill him, and even though he tried to hide it, I could tell he was more than a little disappointed that he hadn't been the one to take my virginity. We'd been saving ourselves for marriage. Neither of us were religious or had even heard of God, but we both believed it was the right thing to do in any relationship. Unfortunately, Dean Morgan had ruined that for me.

Brandon promised not to tell anyone. I couldn't describe how grateful I was for such an amazing, trustworthy boyfriend.

- - -

I scroll past Brandon's status and close out of Facebook. I don't need to keep living in the past. I'm getting married in three weeks.

I get up and rinse out my now-empty cup of coffee. Then I head to the bathroom for a shower. The warm water trickles over me, cleansing me of my memories.

When I'm finished, I go to my room and pick out some clothes to wear: a light blue button-down and high-waisted khaki shorts. Then I brush my strawberry-blonde hair and blow-dry it in the bathroom.

I'll be graduating into my junior year of college this weekend. I'm twenty years old, and I have high hopes of becoming a child psychologist. I want to help kids who were like me when I was younger. Depressed, alone, hurt. Luckily, that person is in the past now. But she comes back daily to haunt me.

- - -

I thought everything would be okay. That being raped was a thing I could get over easily, and just move past. But then I found out I was pregnant.

What first got me thinking was the cramps. I'd get them when I wasn't even on my period. I didn't know what they were or why I was getting them, but I kept it to myself. I didn't want my parents to find out and send me to the doctor. Too risky.

Then it got a bit more obvious. I wasn't showing, of course, but I would get all these sudden cravings. Chocolate, Doritos, Mountain Dew, cottage cheese. And I didn't even like cottage cheese! It was weird.

So I walked to Walgreens, which was only two blocks from my house, and bought a pregnancy test. Those few minutes at the cash register were the most awkward of my life.

"Um, is this all?" "Yeah, I think so." "Okay." *guy bags the little box* "Uh, have a nice day. Stay in school." "Yeah, okay, bye."

I swore to myself that I would never buy another pregnancy test. Or birth control pills. Or condoms. Or pads. Or anything else that would cause the cashier to get all clammed up and embarrassed.

When I got home that night, I went to the bathroom and took the test. I was sweating like crazy as I waited for the result. Finally, it showed up nice and clear: Positive.

I almost fainted.

- - -

Shaking my head to clear the images, I put on a pair of Vans and leave my dorm room. I've had enough of that girl for one morning.