Kiss Me ⇒ Camren

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Camila

It's been a day since I found out Lauren has ADHD. It's been a day since I told Lauren I'm dyslexic. And it's been a day since Lauren told Dinah that our "relationship" is pretend.

I mean yes, our "relationship" is technically pretend. But by the way she said it, I can tell that she would never want to be with me like that.

So I distanced myself from her the minute she said it, up until we were laughing at her and I heard her mumble about her ADHD.

Well, minus the part when she walked into my room while I was changing. God, talk about embarrassing. Of course she's seen me topless many times before but all those times were with a bra. Yesterday when she walked in on me was one of the most embarrassing and most flustered moments I've ever experienced in my whole 18 years of life.

Anyways, I couldn't help but lie to her when we were outside during the meeting. I couldn't stand seeing her so upset, thinking that she did something wrong. So I lied straight to her face and told her it was my fault and not to worry because she did nothing.

That was the only thing I could do without admitting the fact that she hurt me. Because if I told her she hurt me by the tone she used when she was talking to Dinah, she would've caught on to the fact that I really do like her. It would've been a mess - I would've been a mess.

I don't want to be rejected by her. I don't want to be vulnerable. I'm not ready to be hurt by Lauren. I don't think I'll ever be ready to be hurt by her, to lose our friendship to feelings that are unrequited from her.

So as of now, I've decided to go back to the plan before we started to pretend date - ignore all real feelings and tell myself it's just so Austin will lay off.

-

"Camz?" I hear Lauren call from downstairs.

"Yeah?" I yell back, setting down my book and getting off my bed, opening my door and heading to the stairs.

"Wanna come with me on a walk?" She asks looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs when I appear at the top of them.

"I'm actually reading at the moment... is it okay if I say no?" I ask hesitantly, really hating to deny her offer.

"Of course it's okay, babe." She smiles lightly before walking up to the top of the stairs and pulling me into a hug. "Enjoy your book. I'll be back in an hour or so, alright?" She asks.

"Okay." I nod in agreement and she kisses my temple.

If I said that simple kiss on my temple gave me butterflies, I'd be giving you an understatement. That simple kiss made me feel like there was a zoo having a party inside of my stomach.

No stop it Camila. You don't like her. She's just your friend. That is all you will ever be. Friends.

"Call me if you need me, okay?" She asks, letting me out of her arms.

"Yeah." I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat.

"Good, see you in a little bit, Camz." She gives me one more peck on my forehead - yet again making my stupid stomach go crazy - before walking back downstairs.

"See you, Lo." I say quietly, waving to her as she shuts the door.

"I never asked for this. I never asked to fall for Lauren Jauregui." I mumble to myself through a sigh before turning around and going back to my room, shutting the door and returning to where I left off in my book.

-

Lauren's been gone for almost an hour now, but not quite. Tired of reading my book and frustrated with the stupid letters mocking me on the page, I decide to go downstairs and see if any of the other girls are home.