Kiss Me ⇒ Camren

• 17 •

Camila

Lauren and I haven't talked in a week. And it's all because of me. All because I told her I called Austin and I won't give her a damn explanation. I told her I can't. That's not a lie - I can't get the words to come out of my mouth. I'm humiliated and petrified of the rejection. That won't change.

Ally, Normani, and Dinah still don't know about what happened. They're concerned though. I know they are. Dinah keeps trying to get me to tell her but I won't. I know I'm hurting her by not telling her and as much as I hate myself for hurting her, I'm still not going to admit anything or explain anything because it'll only be worse.

Instead, I lock myself in my room. I don't talk to the girls at all unless it's forced like in interviews. There hasn't been a time this week when I haven't locked myself away to be alone with my thoughts. I figure it's better that way - no chances of hurting anyone except myself.

-

"So this one is for Camila and Lauren," The interviewer says, causing me to glance up from looking at mine and Lauren's intertwined hands that are placed on my thigh for show.

It kills me to have to be like this with her during interviews. Not only are we lying to the fans about dating, but my feelings are real and she's pissed at me. It only makes me more depressed.

"How does it feel coming out to the world?" She asks.

I don't respond. I haven't responded to any couple questions. I leave it to Lauren to answer them while I sit trying to keep a fake smile on my face. Already knowing that I'm not going to answer, Lauren speaks up while my gaze falls back to our interlaced fingers feeling my eyes start to water.

"I guess the only way to describe it is amazing. We've hid it for so long in fear that people would try to get in the way of us, you know? I didn't want that. I wanted to keep it down low between the girls and our families so that no one could ruin us with drama. I really like to keep my personal life, well, personal. But I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that we're both a lot happier now. If it weren't for Camila convincing me, we still would've been a secret. As much as I love keeping her all to myself, I'm actually really happy I can show off the love of my life to the world." She gives the usual long sappy answer which receives 'aww's!" even though the girls know it's bullshit.

"And you Camila?" The interviewer asks curiously.

I look up, caught off guard. My eyes are still glossy so I blink a few times. "Just the same as Lauren. I couldn't have put it better." I lie quickly, faking another smile.

I can feel Lauren's eyes on me and I can't stop my lip from trembling.

"If you don't mind me asking, Camila, what happened between you and Austin? We heard he's in the hospital."

My heart stops and I feel the tears immediately rush to my eyes. My whole body tenses up and my stomach drops, making me feel like I could throw up at any second. Lauren's thumb suddenly begins stroking which surprises me, but also distracts everything for a moment. That moment doesn't last long enough though. My body begins shaking and there's a lump in my throat that I can't swallow.

"She doesn't like to talk about it." Dinah steps in protectively and I mentally thank her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The interviewer immediately apologizes with noticeable nervousness.

I don't say anything, my mind just goes through flashbacks of everything.

My fault.
My fault.
My fault.

"Yeah of course!" I zone back in when I hear the girls talking and the camera click off.

Lauren stands up, her hand still holding onto my shaking one. She doesn't let go so I decide not to either, letting her pull me up along with her. The girls all say goodbye but I stay quiet, only managing a small wave as we're escorted out of the room and down the hall.