Kiss Me ⇒ Camren

• 21 •

Warning: low key mention of self harm.

~

Camila

It feels like years have passed since I've seen her, but the reality is that it's only been six days. The six longest days of my life to be exact.

I feel so alone without her here, so depressed. I miss cuddling with her, being close to her, feeling safe.

It's taken everything in me to not text her or call her. My phone has been off for nearly four days now to try and lessen that temptation.

I've managed to get maybe eight hours of sleep total throughout the time she's been gone. I still don't eat much anymore, the constant depression doesn't mix well with food; it always ends up with me getting sick to my stomach.

At this point, I feel like I've been consumed by the entire situation. The lying, the secret keeping. It's all swallowed me whole yet she's still the only thing on my mind even though I know I'm not on hers.

The girls are still worried. They still check on me almost hourly to make sure that I haven't completely lost my mind, which I guess I've done a pretty convincing job to make them think I haven't.

Although Dinah continues begging to know what's wrong and what happened. I still haven't told her.

But it's 3:23 a.m. now and my heart is aching. I'm drown in my silent sobs because of this stupid secret and unhealthy emotions that are slowly killing me.

Tonight has officially been the worst of all. I'm having thoughts that I've never had before. Thoughts of things I can do to release this ache in my chest, the guilt, the pain.

Maybe it's time to tell someone.
Are you crazy?
You're so desperate to feel something other than this ache in your chest, you might end up doing something you'll regret.
So what?
You say that now, but you'll care after you fall into the trap. Plus, Lauren comes home tomorrow. You need to fix things or it's going to get worse. Go talk to Dinah.
It's three in the morning.
And she isn't going to care if it's three in the morning because you're her friend and you need her.
This isn't going to go well.
What's the worst that could happen?
...really? You really wanna ask that?
Just go.

Groaning loudly into my pillow, I slowly sit up and rub the nearly raw skin under my eyes, wincing at the burning pain. My head is pounding from the crying and my eyes are heavy, almost drooping closed.

Fine. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should tell her. Or at least try to.

As I finally get on my feet, a wave of dizziness hits me which could be caused by many different things: lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of sanity, who knows at this point?

I wrap a blanket around myself before quietly shuffling over to my closed door. Twisting the knob and walking out, I make my way quietly towards Dinah's room.

I take a deep breath before hesitantly bringing my already shaking hand to knock lightly on Dinah's bedroom door. Of course there's no answer. I mean, it's Dinah. Waking her up is nearly impossible. An elephant could walk through the room and she'd sleep right through it.

Reaching out for her door knob, I slowly twist it and push the door open. I walk in and shut it behind me. Turning around, I see none other than Dinah fast asleep in her bed, curled up like a caterpillar in a blanket cocoon. I giggle quietly to myself, imagining Dinah as a little caterpillar.