MCYT RANDOMNESS 2

Fishy Business part 3

The Impulse Vs The Fish trial dawned cold and rainy. Skizz, confused enough to accept being Impulse’s lawyer, was ready, with a whole book of information on the various fish-related shenanigans. Enough to, far from recommend putting the case aside, convince Skizz that something was off. And on the other side, fish-lawyer Joe, xB, and a single cod in a clip-on tie they’d deemed capable of representing the entire party of 12,493. Behind, several mostly confused witnesses – Grian, Scar, Gem, Cleo, and Doc, and almost everyone else in the server sat in the jury box, with strong opinions, fish merch and popcorn. Judge Bdubs cleared his throat and began.

‘We are here for the trial against uh… 12,493 cod… Skizz, you are representing Impulse’s prosecution, Joe, you are representing the defence, xB, you’re…’

‘I’m translator to the cod.’

‘Uh- sure. Now the trial will be like the other two, point system, firework, Cuboom Fireworks, heads or tails, jury. Understand? Now, Skizz, you can speak.’

‘Ladies and gentlemen.’ Skizz began, rising from his seat. ‘Judge Bdubs, your highness, this is not a question of if the fish are dangerous, it’s a question of how long they’ve been dangerous for. And I propose that this problem did not start last week, when the first cod arrived in PixelPulse city. It started all the way back in Season 5, and in that time, the fish have committed several crimes, and must answer for all of them. Thank you.’

‘And now Joe?’ Joe nodded, standing.

‘Thank you, your highness, Bdubs, supreme judge, jury and executioner over hermitcraft-’

‘Objection!’ called Wels from the jury stand, ‘We’re the jury!’

‘Hey- you can’t object! Silence! Any more of that and it’ll be fireworks in your face… Joe?’

‘Thank you, your highness. Now, Bdubs, jury, witnesses, and everyone here today… when was the last time a fish pranked you? And now, ask yourself, when was the last time your fellow hermit prank you? I will assume far more moments of Hermit-on-hermit attacks have occurred than attacks by fish. And yet, do we punish the hermits for every little act of unwonted violence they cause? No! So why should we do the same for these cod today? Just because they wanted to share their experience of the world. Just because their idea of fun was different to ours… Your highness, I propose that this is not a case of a man against 12,000 fish. It’s the case of a man against 12,000 babies.’

‘WHAT.’ Doc, who had been bribed by Beef into being pro-cod, sprung to his feet. ‘NO!’

‘DOC I WILL FRICKIN FIREWORK YOUR FACE- uh-’ Bdubs cleared his throat. ‘I mean, Thank you for those opening statements… Skizz, who is the first witness?’

‘I would like to call Gem to the stand,’ Skizz replied.

‘Alright.’ Gem stepped over. ‘What do you want to ask?’

‘Gemstone, what do you know of the initial arrival of the 12,493 cod in Joel’s and my client’s house.’

‘Wels did magic wrong and summoned them.’

‘And how did you go abouts finding the cod?’

‘A lot were contained, but the rest we just searched through Joel’s base.’

‘Is it not likely that you missed some?’

‘It’s very likely.’

‘So, let's say you missed 7 cod. Is that a reasonable assumption?’

‘Yes?’

‘Gem, Bdubs, don't you think it’s a little strange how exactly 12,500 cod fell from the sky?’