MCYT RANDOMNESS 2

Biblically Accurate Pancakes

PoV: Tango

It’s a perfectly ordinary morning.

I wake up, stretch, spend half an hour in bed refusing to accept the time, and then roll onto the ground, lie there for 10 more minutes, and then finally head downstairs, dragging blankets with me, to cook pancakes. With a yawn, I grab all the syrupy goodness I can find in my cupboard, a plate, a fork, the pack of pancakes, and finally a pan ready to cook.

And then see the celestial abomination of eyes and wings and wheels glowing on the other side of the room.

‘BE NOT A-’

I scream, and throw the frying pan at it.

‘WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN?!’ I shriek, backing into the corner. The abomination replies by, in a flash of light, shifting form into that of a tall middle-aged man with 4 wings, a halo, and a hand over his injured head.

‘Dude- what the heck?! Chill out! Come on, Homey buddeh! That hurt!’

I continue screaming in the corner.

‘Why are you screaming?! I’m friendly!’

‘Oh, I don't know, maybe it’s the fact a LITERAL ANGEL just appeared in my kitchen at 9AM!’ I snap back. ‘With all its bits and rubers out skadoodling with the wingifcation and- and the eyes…’

‘I was telling you not to be afraid!’

‘You think I would've believed you?!’

The angel is silent.

‘Maybe…?’ comes a rather awkward reply. I cross my arms.

‘Why are you here?’

‘I am your official guardian angel of awesomeness!’

‘What if I don't want a guardian angel?’

‘Who wouldn't want a guardian angel?! We’re awesome!’

‘All I want right now is pancakes and too much sugar!’

‘Well, If you want pancakes, I can make pancakes, dude!’

The angel flicks a hand towards the pack of pancakes, which immediately bursts into flame.

‘WHAT THE CRAP?!’ I scramble away from the fire, and the angel who just decided to arsonificate my kitchen. Before it dies down, revealing 2 plates of perfectly cooked pancakes. The countertop is still smoking. Calm as anything, the literally angel waves the smoke away, grabs the pancakes, takes them past where I’m standing to the dining table, and sits down with a contented sigh.

‘Take a seat, buddy!’ He offers. I don't move. ‘I’m not gonna kill you!’

‘But- but- with the fire- and the flamy bits- and my pancakes-’

‘Your pancakes are right here- ooh, golden syrup, don't mind if I do… nooch!’

‘Can you leave, please?!’ I request, voice still 3 octaves too high.

‘I just wanna chat with you! As your new guardian angel!’

‘You’re trespassing! With your face! Get the crap out of my kitchen!’

‘Technically, homey buddeh, this here is your dining room…’ The angel turns, a smug expression on their face. I remain glowering and terrified.

‘I will frying pan you in the face again!’

‘Listen, I don't wanna use my celestial powers any more than I have to, man. So come and join me, and have some pancakes.’

‘No!’