How To Be Straight

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CHAPTER 16

    [ Calvin ]

Derek's room was a mess. My room wasn't the cleanest, but at least I didn't have month-old clothes laying on the floor and hanging from the ceiling fan. Empty bags of chips and used condoms scattered the unrecognizable floor. If that wasn't enough to disgust me, then he just had to have a few girl undies mixed into it.

And he thought I was weird for keeping Nicolas' underwear.

The only thing that seemed decent was his bed, even though it wasn't made. I let out a reluctant sigh and walked over to the full-sized bed and slowly lowered myself onto it, but Derek stopped me by tugging on my arm and nearly throwing me to the other side of the room.

"Don't sit on that," he ordered.

I rubbed my arm to relieve the pain he had caused. I opened my mouth to question his actions, but I quickly stopped myself when I remembered who I was talking to. "You're gross."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I was in a hurry."

I spotted an office chair tucked into the computer desk in the corner of the room. "Can I sit on that chair, or did you jizz on that, too?" I asked with a snicker.

Derek sent me a glare. "Haha, very funny."  He moved to his dresser and retrieved a bottle of Febreeze, probably planning to spray the room with it. "Yes, you can sit on the chair."

Still snickering, I exhaled a loud, tired sigh and plopped onto the swivel chair, frowning when it creaked. I brought my attention back to Derek, who had gone all out with spraying the air freshener on his dirty clothes and on his dirty bed. "You know, spraying your room with Febreeze isn't going to make your room smell any better. You actually have to clean it."

He ignored my comment and began to clear a space on the floor in front of the television.

"Why do girls like you, anyway? You're such a slob."

He looked at me with his oceanic eyes and folded his arms against his chest, taking a defensive stance. "Because I'm Derek Fletcher, the hottest guy at school."

Well, he was pretty hot, I guess I would give him that. "You're not the hottest guy at school," I said, anyway.

He lifted an eyebrow, challenging my statement. "Really? Then tell me, who's hotter than me?"

I paused to think about it, but I didn't really need that much thinking. Derek had always been pretty attractive and I never met someone who could quite measure up to that, aside from Nicolas, of course, but he was more beautiful than hot.

"Adam Hudson from the football team," I proposed.

Derek's lips curled in disgust. "He has a stutter."

I sighed. "Just because he has a speech impediment doesn't mean he's not hot."

"Uh, yeah it does. Can you imagine him having sex?" He tried to mimic Adam's by hunching over and closing his eyes. "Y-y-yes that's r-r-r-right. S-s-say m-my n-n-n-name!"

I shouldn't have laughed, but I barely had any control over my body when I did. "You're so mean," I gasped, wiping the salty tears of amusement from my eyes. "Well, what about Mike?"

"Mike is weird."

I leaned back in the chair and nodded, pretending to understand where he was going with this. "So according to your logic, one mustn't have any flaws to be considered hot?"

He grinned. "Exactly."

I chuckled lightly. Derek really was a force to be reckoned with. "Well, you're an asshole. Sounds like a flaw to me."