Monsters Inside Him (Completed)

Chapter 19: Trying

Chapter 19: Trying

I couldn’t believe it, but I was kissing Zayn. It wasn’t like all the other times when he forced me up against the wall and attacked my lips with his, when I had no choice, when he made me feel dirty. No, I was standing here, with my body pressed against his, my hands tangled in his hair, his hands on my waist, and our lips moving in perfect synchronization.

It almost felt good. I liked having his tongue lick the outline of my lips. I liked how my lips seemed to fit with his like a key in a lock.

Without my brain’s consent, my throat let out a pleasured moan. Immediately I could feel the smile on Zayn’s lips as he pushed my boundaries, deepening the kiss.

Although with great reluctance, I forced myself to pull away. I couldn’t give him the wrong idea… I mean, sure I was giving him a chance with me, but it’s not like I had much of a choice.

Zayn smiled down at me- a genuinely happy smile, not the usual cocky asshole smirk- before forcing his face into its usual emotionless state.

“Come on, let’s go.” He muttered, grabbing my small hand with his larger one and intertwining our fingers. I smiled to myself, knowing he was trying to play it cool but that kiss had affected him as much as it had affected me.

“Where are we going?” I asked in a huff, breathless from trying to keep up with his long strides as he led me down the hall.

“It’s a bloody surprise.” He snapped.

“Jesus, so touchy…” I muttered. He remained quiet as he led me down to his car and held the door open for me to climb in the passenger seat.

“What a gentleman.” I approved gesturing to his grip on the car door.

“Shut up and get in the car, will ya.” He grunted, surprising me as a teasing smile played on his lips. Hmm, maybe I did have a new Zayn taking me out after all.

He shut, well, slammed, the door behind me and climbed into the driver’s seat. We pulled up in front of a cute little restaurant, obviously private owned and obviously not well-known. There was no line to get in, no big black cars parked in front and no alleys for guys to hide in. This didn’t seem like the kind of place Zayn would hang out at, but I didn’t question it.

He helped me out of the car silently and wrapped his arm around my waist possessively. I allowed myself to be tugged into the restaurant. He wasn’t being rough with me, or anything, but he still had a firm grip on me to make sure I wasn’t able to leave.

“Table for two.” He muttered to the hostess. She nodded and began to scan her list for a table, before doing a double take. As soon as she saw Zayn, her jaw dropped and she stared back up at him with wide eyes.

“R-r-right away, sir.” She whispered nervously. Zayn chuckled darkly, loving his evident powerover the citizens of London.

“Well, I haven’t got all day!” He snapped at her, his mouth turning into a hard line as he pretended to be angry, just to see her reaction. Anyone else probably thinks that he is angry and that he is about to do something rash, but I knew him well enough by this point. I could see the light in his eyes from amusement; he just liked using his power to taunt people.

“Stop it!” I hissed at him as I slapped his chest, pushing myself out of his grasp. Quickly, he grabbed me and yanked me into him, my back slamming into his chest.

“Stop what?” He snapped at me, angry that I dare speak to him like that.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about. Leave the poor girl alone.” I gestured to the young hostess as she watched our exchange in shock. Zayn looked back up at her with hateful eyes. I swear I could see her trembling from where I was.

“Umm, y-y-your table,” she stammered, “right this way.” She walked briskly to a private table in a cozy corner of the restaurant, placing our menus down and running off as quickly as she could. I slid into the chair that Zayn pulled out for me and picked up the menu, ignoring his pissed off expression.

“Talk to me like that again and you won’t be able to walk for a week.” He warned me. When I didn’t respond, I could almost feel the anger rolling off of me.

Suddenly, my menu was gone and instead I was looking at Zayn, who leaned across the table to get in my face.

“Is that clear, Darlin’?”

I didn’t gratify him with a response. I simply crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back in my chair. I wanted to let him know that if we were going to try to work this out, then he would have to change his attitude towards EVERYONE.

“Is. That. CLEAR?!” He shouted, getting the attention in the restaurant. I flushed with embarrassment as I received lots of sympathetic and scared looks. I pushed his shoulders back so that he landed back in his chair.

“Yes, I understood you the first time. No need to throw a tantrum like a child.” I shrugged as if getting yelled at by Zayn didn’t just make me almost shit myself in fear. He narrowed his eyes at me before muttering something under his breath and picking up his menu.

I smiled inwardly at my success and took back my menu. A big waiter came to take our orders- I’m guessing the manager sent over their biggest guy in case Zayn got violent. I couldn’t blame them, but I grimaced at his track record.

“Can I take your order?” The man asked nervously, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. Zayn set down his menu before looking at me and then up at the waiter.

“I’ll have fish and chips and whichever beer is on brew.” He decided. I shot him a look at the mention of alcohol, but held my tongue. I wasn’t going to start an argument in front of the poor man.

“A-and you, Miss?” he asked me, but before I could answer, Zayn stood up from his chair and stepped towards the waiter.

“Oi! Who said you can talk to her?!” He shouted, getting up in the poor guy’s face. This seen was all too familiar, so I jumped out of my chair and rushed behind Zayn.

“I-I-I was just taking her order!” The waiter explained in a desperate and pleading voice. Zayn grabbed him by his collar and shoved him against the wall. I tried to pull Zayn back, but I was shrugged off.

“ZAYN! Zayn, stop it!” I yelled, trying to get his attention. He ignored me, only acknowledging my existence when he shoved me back away from the waiter. Everyone else in the restaurant watched in horror as Zayn threatened the poor guy, violently shaking him and slamming him against the wall.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull Zayn away, so I moved on to a different tactic.

I left.

I literally grabbed my purse and walked right past Zayn. Hopefully, that would pull his attention away from the poor guy who was just trying to do his job.

I made the effort to slam the restaurant door behind me, no doubt getting the attention of everyone inside. I started to march down the street but smiled to myself when I heard the restaurant door open. I pretended not to notice and kept walking.

“Oi! HANNAH!!” I heard Zayn shout behind me. I stuck up my middle finger, but did not slow down my face.

“Hey!” He yelled, closer to me now, “hey I’m talking to you!” I was jerked backwards as his hand grabbed my upper arm and spun me around. His looming height used to be threatening, but at this point I had nothing to lose so I no longer feared him. He could beat me if he wanted, why should I care? I already hurt more inside than he can ever make me feel from his fist.

“What?!” I snapped at him, catching him off guard as I shoved him away from me.

“You can’t just walk away from me like that!” He stepped towards me, leaning down to get in my face.

“And you can’t just go around threatening people!” I raised my voice to match his volume and turned to leave. He stepped around me and slid in front of me, preventing me from walking away.

“I thought I made it clear that you’re mine. I don’t like any other guys talking to my girl.” He said sternly, crossing his arms over his chest, making his t-shirt collar tug down a little showing the edges of his tattoos.

“He. Was. Taking. My. Order. Zayn.” I hissed through my teeth. What was with him and this possessive need he has over me? I am so fucking sick of it.

“I didn’t like how he was looking at you.”

“He was looking at me desperately, Zayn. Desperately, because of YOU. YOU scared him shitless and he felt bad for ME.” I snapped.

“Watch the tone, Darlin’.” He warned me, raising his eyebrows.

“No. You know what, I’m done. I came here with you to try this out. You’re acting like an asshole, so I’m leaving. Have fun beating a waiter shitless.” I stepped around him and began strutting down the street away from him.

“If you don’t turn your perky ass around and march back here, Darlin’, I will drag you back inside!” He shouted after me. I flipped him off and kept walking. I thought we would actually try this, but I guess Zayn hadn’t changed afterall.

“Darlin’!!!!” He roared angrily.

“HANNAH!!!” He sounded even more infuriated. I didn’t hear him pursuing me, so I figured he expected me to turn around and come crawling back.

“Please.” I barely heard his whisper, but the pain and conflict was clear.

For some reason, I turned around. He was still in the same spot I left him, but he was looking at me with his beautiful brown eyes, nothing but pure sadness filling them.

“Zayn,” I shook my head, wondering if he could hear me as far away as he was. I walked a little closer to him, so that we could carry a conversation.

“Zayn, I can’t do this to myself. I’m not gonna try if you’re not.” I whispered, touching his arm gently. He caught my wrist in his hand. He brought my hand up to his cheek and held it there. His other arm snaked around my waist and tugged me closer, gently. I looked up at him, slightly frightened. He looked back down at me, but only with a look of brokenness, not anger.

“Please, Darlin’. I’m trying, I really am. It’s just… You’re so beautiful and you make me feel insecure, I can’t help myself. Also, it’s just instinct. With the things I do, the people I do business with, it’s my natural urge for me to protect you from everyone because I can’t trust anyone. Please, Darlin’, give me another chance. I’m trying.” He pleaded, rubbing circles on my hip with his thumb. He made my heart beat out of rhythm. How come he can turn from a controlling monster to this sweet and vulnerable man.

“You go in there and you apologize profusely,” I ordered, “and no more violence.” I can’t believe I was actually doing this. His eyes lit up with joy and he dropped my hand from his grip and wrapped his free arm around my waist. He picked me up off my feet and spun me around in a circle. He attached his lips to my cheek before setting me back down on my feet.

“I’ll try harder, Darlin’.” He smiled. I intertwined our fingers and followed him back into the restaurant. I sat down at our table and nudged my head in the direction of the whispering waiters in the corner of the restaurant. Zayn’s eyes traveled over to them before he let out a huff and sat down across from me.

“I’m not apologizing to any damn waiter who was checking you out, Darlin’. I already settled things with you.” He snapped. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Zayn, I-”

“Can I take your order?” I heard a shaky voice squeak. I looked up to see a small, young waitress instead of the one we had before. I decided to drop the subject for now and put in my order to the nervous girl. Zayn acted sweet to her too, I guess showing me that he was trying. Once she wrote everything down, she practically ran to the kitchen.

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” I smiled at him. He glared up at me through narrowed eyes, but changed the subject.

“Your hickey is fading.” He commented, looking clearly at the mark he left on me. I let out a sigh, but left it alone. If Zayn’s line of business is as dangerous as he makes it out to be, maybe it’s best that I let everyone know I belong to him. It’ll be safer for other guys and for me.