Monsters Inside Him (Completed)

Chapter 46: Safe

Chapter 46: Safe

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I heard the most beautiful voice singing to me. In all the darkness, the voice was like a light. It must have been an angel’s voice. Never before had I heard something so lovely in all my life.

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Yes. It was definitely an angel. No other creature would be able to produce such a nice sound. The husky, yet smooth voice was so pleasant and gentle. I wanted to smile and reach out to the angel, but I was surrounded by darkness and it hurt to move my body even in the slightest.

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

The angel’s voice got slightly louder as he leaned in towards me. My nostrils filled with the familiar and comforting scent of a forest. The underlying smell of cigarettes reminded me of someone important.

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

The angel placed a gentle kiss on my cheek before it’s voice and presence disappeared from around me.

I tried to call out for the angel to help me. To make my pain go away, but no sound came out of my mouth. The only thing I managed to do was squeeze whatever was in my hand ever so slightly. I heard a gasp come from the angel, but I couldn’t hold on any more so I tried to let the darkness take over.

I still couldn’t slip into unconsciousness like I wanted to. I was still stuck in the darkness. I could only hear the sounds around me, but no one, not even the angel, seemed to listen to my cries of pain and desperation.

“Please,” I whispered. I felt hot tears sting in my eyes when I reached out for someone, anyone, but there was no one there.

It wasn’t until later that I could finally see a light in the darkness. My eyes searched frantically in the bright light, but all I could see was white. My eyes took a few moments to adjust to the brightness.

“Fuck.” I groaned out. My eyes scanned the room for Zayn. The last thing I could remember was him holding me. He had come for me. He had finally come for me. I knew he would. I knew it.

“How are you feeling?” The familiar feminine voice asked me. Before I could respond, her cool fingers touched my forehead. A sense of panic erupted in my chest and instincts kicked in as I slapped away Eleanor’s hand and shrunk back into the mattress.

“Hannah, sweetheart it’s just me.” Eleanor looked down at me in concern and sadness.

“Please don’t touch me.” I whispered. I pulled up my duvet to my cheeks, hiding my body from her. A shadow of hurt passed over Eleanor’s features. She took a step away from the bed and held up her hands in surrender.

“Honey, I’m not going to hurt you.” She said softly. I shook my head at her. I knew Eleanor. Eleanor was a soft and sweet person. She was loving and kind. Why was I afraid of her?

The rational part of me was screaming to jump up and hug her, but my body wouldn’t let me. The irrational part of me couldn’t trust her. I couldn’t trust anyone.

My whole body was sore with bruises and cuts and even a cast on my wrist.

No one would be allowed to touch me.

“Please, Hannah. It’s me.” Eleanor tried again. I shook my head quickly and cowered back into the headboard. Eleanor’s eyes looked down to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered before disappearing out into the hall. I let out a sigh in relief at being left alone. I knew it was completely illogical, but I felt a sense of fear when Eleanor was around. Her presence made me panic and I didn’t know why.

“You have to be careful, she’s- well she’s not the same.” I heard Eleanor’s come from outside the door. I quickly pulled the covers back up as if it could protect me from her.

“What do you mean?” Zayn’s voice snapped angrily. Zayn?

“She was afraid of me. I couldn’t touch her without her throwing a fit.” Eleanor said sadly. The door to Zayn’s and my room opened gently and I watched as Eleanor stepped in. My heart started pounding unevenly and I felt my hands tremble and become increasingly sweaty.

But then, Zayn stepped in behind her. My reaction shocked everyone, including myself.

I leapt off of the bed and ran as quickly as I could to him. I crashed myself against his chest and felt warm and safe as his arms wrapped around me.

“She-she was afraid of me before. Hannah, are you ok?” Eleanor stepped closer to us and tried to place her hand on my shoulder. I saw her palm open but before she could even touch me I jumped behind Zayn and cried out.

“Don’t touch me!” My mind didn’t even tell my body to do that, it acted on its own.

“Darlin’, it’s just El. She’s not dangerous.” Zayn said slowly. He turned around and pulled me into him and held me tight. I heard Eleanor leave the room but I didn’t look up to watch her go. Zayn’s large hands rubbed my back soothingly, but I could feel his tense muscles underneath his clothing. Something was making him nervous.

“I’m sorry.” I murmured, knowing I was the cause of his uneasiness. Zayn slowly helped me back into bed and kissed my cheek.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Darlin’. Tell me how you’re feeling.” He said quietly as he kneeled down next to me. His hand grasped mine (well, the one NOT in the cast).

“I’m fine.” I said quietly, offering him a small but helpless smile. His eyes narrowed in suspicion, sending my heart beat off the rocker.

“Don’t lie to me,” he warned in his deep voice. I was used to receiving that kind of tone from Zayn, but unlike before I felt uncomfortable and fearful under his glare.

“I’m s-s-sorry.” I apologized quickly, before he could hit me. His eyes widened briefly and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t be afraid, Darlin’, I won’t hurt you.” He brought his other hand up to stroke my cheek comfortingly. I looked over him carefully before nodding slowly.

“You’re safe now. I’ll always keep you safe. I promise.” He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Something was wrong. For some reason, I couldn’t press him on it. I didn’t want to anger him at all, so I left him alone.

I lifted my casted arm up and stared at it sadly. It reminded me of everything that happened- the abuse, the pain, the misery… the rape…
“Darlin’, do you think you can relax? Do you feel tired? Are you hungry?” I couldn’t possibly answer all of the questions Zayn was firing at me, so instead I remained quiet until he was done.

“Does anything hurt? Do you need anything?”

“C-can you sit with me?” I asked timidly after I made sure not to interrupt him. Zayn looked at me for a moment before moving to sit next to me on the bed. He looked down at me as if to check if I was ok with everything. I answered by scooching over a little.

“I don’t want to hurt you, so tell me if I’m overstepping, ok?” He told me. I nodded again and let him settle down next to me. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me, but I was too afraid to ask, so I waited until he got comfortable enough to squirm into his chest, practically forcing his arms up.

Zayn held on to me tightly, almost as if he was afraid that if he didn’t, I would disappear. Again.

We lay like that for a few hours until there was a timid knock on the door. Zayn’s vocal chords calling out to come in made his throat vibrate against my cheek. I hid my face from whoever entered, making Zayn’s hand move up to the back of my head to hold it protectively.

Don’t let them get me.

Don’t let them get me.

“I-I think I should check her over- to be safe.” Eleanor’s timid voice spoke up. I shook my head fervently against Zayn’s body, my hands fisting tight knots of his shirt.

“Come on, Darlin’. It’s for your health.” Zayn tried to pry me off of him, but I didn’t budge at all. I couldn’t bear to let Zayn let go of me. I didn’t want him to go anywhere.

“She’s just going to check you. I’ll be right here.” Zayn tried to get me off of him again, his voice becoming slightly aggravated. Someone else came up to the bed and tried to pull me off of Zayn, but as soon as I felt a foreign pair of hands on me, I let out a shrill scream, right in Zayn’s ear. Tears fell as I began to hysterically sob.

Don’t let them get me.

Don’t let them get me.

Zayn, please don’t let them get me.

“Don’t touch her!” Zayn shouted angrily at whoever was touching me. The unfamiliar touch immediately removed itself from me as Zayn pressed me between him and the bed. His chest prevented me from seeing anyone else but him. His hands held me tightly, his fingers digging into my skin, reminding me that at that moment he was the only one touching me.

He would keep me safe.

“Sorry, mate!” I heard Louis respond carefully, “I was just trying to help El check her.” He tried to defend himself. I knew that I shouldn’t be afraid of Louis. I knew it.

But for some reason I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t bear him to touch me. I couldn’t bear to have anyone but Zayn touch me.

I couldn’t trust anyone but Zayn anymore. Not after Jay… Not after he had his way with me without my consent.

“I’ll fucking do it. Tell me what to check and then leave her alone.” Zayn snarled. He sat up a little, but still remained in front of me.

“I need you to scan her body for cuts and make sure none are infected, check to see if her cast is clean and I need you to check, er…” Eleanor trailed off in embarrassment, muttering something so that no one would hear.

“Speak up so we can get this over with.” Louis demanded softly. I heard Eleanor whisper something to him before she continued.

“I need you to check her vaginal area to make sure there’s no bleeding or extensive bruising. I didn’t get a chance earlier.” She muttered. I think that was all because as soon as she said that, the door shut softly. Zayn let out a small sigh of relief before turning his attention to me. His eyes met mine and his hands moved up to cup my cheeks.

“It’s me, Darlin’. It’s just me.” He whispered. He leaned forward and planted a small kiss on my forehead before pulling away.

“Can I check your arms?” He asked. I nodded and held out the arm without a cast. He held it gingerly and looked over my cuts and bruises. He carefully pushed it against my body and reached out for my other one. He looked over my cast and felt it softly. Then he checked the exposed part of my arm for signs of infection.

“Can I check your legs?” He asked me. I nodded slowly and kicked the covers off of my bare limbs. His cool fingers trailed up and down my legs before he looked at me again.

“Am I allowed to lift up your shirt to check there?” He asked me softly. I carefully pulled up my t-shirt and let him touch my stomach briefly before his cool touch gently touched my breasts. He helped me sit up so he could check my back.

Zayn shifted himself so that he was sat between my legs. I looked up at him timidly, knowing exactly which question would come next.

“You can say no to this, Darlin’,” he started, making sure to hold a strong eye contact with me, “can I pull down your knickers?”

I trusted Zayn with my life. I knew he’d never abuse me sexually, like Jay did. I mean, Zayn was able to wait for months and months until he finally took my virginity. I knew that I was safe with him, so I nodded. He bit his lip nervously.

I felt his soft fingers trail up my thighs and stop at my hips. Slowly, he pulled down my panties until they were off my body completely. He looked back up at me, his eyes silently asking if he could continue. I offered him nothing but wide eyes in return, which he took as a yes.

I felt his cool touch between my legs and I instantly knew it was ugly down there. I knew Jay did damage, I could feel it.

I wondered if Zayn knew that Jay raped me…

By the look in his eye, I thought that he probably did know. As striking as his loving and affectionate look was, it was completely replaced by a murderous glare. I leaned my head back so that I could no longer see how angry Zayn was getting.

I knew what happened when he got angry…

When I took a daring glance back down at him, it wasn’t Zayn who was touching my private spot, but Jay. Quickly, I kicked him in the stomach, sending him off the bed with a thud. I let out a loud scream and covered myself with my blanket.

“ZAYN!! Zayn, please!” I called out for help, hoping that Zayn would come and protect me.

Zayn will come. Zayn will come.

Don’t let them get me.

Please, don’t let them get me.

“Help!”

“Shhh, Darlin’, it’s me!” Zayn stood up from the ground, his eyes looking at me in fear and his hands held up, palms forward, in surrender.

“Zayn!” I scrambled out of bed and threw myself at him. Zayn looked shocked as he caught me in his arms and helped me back into bed.

“What happened?” He asked me slowly. I could still see that he was afraid, but not OF me, FOR me. He didn’t know what was happening any more than I did.

“He was here. The man was here and he was touching my… my…” I started to cry into Zayn’s chest as he stroked my hair soothingly.

“Hannah, that was me. He’s dead, Darlin’. He can’t get you.” He whispered.

“But, but he was here. He was touching me like before.”

“No he wasn’t. That was me. Darlin’, you’re safe. He can’t get you.”

“He did things to me down there, Zayn.” I sobbed loudly. Zayn tucked the two of us under my covers, his limbs holding me tight against him.

“I know, Darlin’. I know.” He whispered, kissing my forehead softly.

“Don’t let them get me. Don’t let me go.”

“Never. I won’t ever let you go.”