|| υѕ || ĸaѕмaтѕυ yυĸιo х reader ||

|| 14 ||

You watch him leave and wince when the door slams shut. There's an air of finality to it, like you won't see him again. And that's what makes you cry.

Just like every downpour, a single tear cuts through your cheeks, almost surprising you. Then, before you know it, your sight goes blurry and your chest feels like it's collapsing in on itself. You're huffing and trying to breathe but you can't.

You try to comfort yourself but it's insanely hard to try and think of anything but the consuming ache in your heart and the chill in your system. You find yourself trembling, holding yourself as tightly as you can. You bite your bottom lip, doing everything you can to keep from making a sound. You don't want to worry your roommate. You don't want to drag anyone else in your problems.

You close your eyes and try to fight back your tears but you can't. You're tired of fighting yourself.

Time, he said.

You needed time.

You sniffle, hastily wiping your eyes and struggling to take a deep breath. You eye the fridge wondering if Kise will mind if you finish off a tub of rocky road.

-

It's painfully clear that you want Kasamatsu back. You hate having met him last time; you hate having spent that time with him. Having him back in your life, if only for a moment made the withdrawal even harder.

If you closed your eyes, you could remember the way his lips felt around yours, you could remember being his.

You could remember fucking it all up.

You realize that you'd ruined not one but two of your relationships. You realize this when Kise comes home from his run and sees you demolishing a tub of ice cream, puffy eyed and watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother.

He takes a seat beside you quietly and lets the silence envelop you because he knows there's nothing he can do to help.

You loved him, you loved the sweet boy next door who watched you cry the day your father left you. You loved the kind boy who comforted you with his companionship the day the love of your life left you.

You loved him so fucking much.

But, you didn't love him the way he wanted you to.

Kise knows you'll never cry for him the way you did for Kasamatsu. Because he'd be damned to see you cry over him. No. He wouldn't dare.

You lean on his shoulder, sobbing as you apologize to him. Kise only looks up, trying to keep himself from crying because he doesn't want to make this anymore difficult for you.

He tells you it's okay even when it's not.

You hate that he loves you like this. You don't deserve him; he doesn't deserve to have his heart broken by the someone like you.

You wish you could redo that day. You wish you could skip all this pain. You wish you never had to deal with the fallout.

All you could do was pick yourself up and keep going.