Spilled

Anthony:

You know what really sucks? Finally being able to date the love of your life, and having to keep it a secret from the world. It's like when you were a kid and your parents finally bought you the coolest toy out there that everyone wanted, but you weren't allowed to tell anyone or it would be taken away from you forver.

It was exactly two months ago today when Ian and I started dating, and not a day goes by when the whole scene doesn't run through my head. 

We were sitting on the floor at almost 6 a.m., working on a script for a new video. We had been drinking a little, but not enough to be drunk. I had actually liked Ian previous to that early morning, but didn't want to tell him. There was always something about him that seemed sort of gay, but I knew he was straight.

Or so I thought. 

A little after six, when both of our eyelids were fighting to stay open, we reazlied we were making absolutey no progress on the script. So Ian shut his laptop and fell onto the carpet, not even bothering to go to his room, and I don't know if it was because I was so tired I couldn't think straight or if I was just feeling extremely confident, but I scooted over, laid my head right on his chest, and curled up next to him. That was the closest we'd ever gotten while sober, and it felt amazing.

I felt his chest vibrate under my head a little, like he was laughing. Then, to my surprise, he put his arm around my back and pulled me closer to him. At the moment, I just assumed he was being friendly, but I later realized that wasn't the case at all.

"Comfy?" he asked, rubbing my back.

I nodded and looked up at him. His bright blue eyes stared back at me through half-closed eyelids. And then, I don't know why I said it, if I was just too exhausted or just too caught up in the moment, but I said it.

"I love you, Ian."

I instantly regretted saying it the second the words left my mouth. At first, of course.

"I love you too, Ant."

And by the casual tone in his voice, I knew he meant it in a friendly way.

So, where I could have given up and kept us as best friends, I forced myself to keep going. 

So, I sat up, watching his eyes follow me, puzzled, and spoke.

"No, you don't." I swallowed hard. "Not the way I do."

He sat up too, looking a little more awake, and stared me straight in the eye. "What?"

At this point, I knew there was no backing down.

"I mean, I love you. I... I love you."

He didn't say anything, but that's probably because I didn't give him the chance. Once the first couple words were out, they all just poured out, and they didn't stop until everything built up in my chest was spilled.

"I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I have for... so long. I don't mean the best friend kind of love; the I'll-always-be-there-for-you kind of love. I mean the real kind of love. The kind of love where I just want to kiss you and hug you and marry you and protect you and be with you every second of my life forever. That kind of love. And I know... I know you don't love me with that kind of love. But that's okay. I wouldn't love me either. I just wanted you to know that I love you."

For a moment, the whole world seemed to stop. The air seemed to thicken so badly my vision blurred and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

And then he spoke just two words, two life-changing words. 

"You lied."

I stared back into his eyes, so hard I thought I would be able to see right through them. "No I didn't. I meant it. I-"

"No," he interrupted me. "No, you lied. You said I didn't love you the same way. And that's the biggest lie I've ever heard."

And then, at 6 a.m. on the carpet of my living room, I kissed Ian Hecox, and not the drunken kiss we'd exerienced before where the only thing I could taste was alcohol, but a real kiss, where the only thing I could taste was Ian.

And he kissed back. And then I asked him to be my boyfriend, and he said yes. And we decided we shouldn't tell anyone yet just so nothing bad would happen.

And here we were, two months later, with the secret kept between just the two of us. And, although it was a huge pain to act like "just friends" in public and not let it slip to even our closest friends and family, it has still been the best two months of my life.

A/N: Woo! The first part of my chapter fic! :D Sorry if it was kinda long and extremely cheesy. I tend to write in the style of the music I'm listening to, and I'm currently listening to We The Kings, so yeah. But yeah! Let me know what you thought! Sorry if it's kinda boring right now. I promise it gets really intense later(; okok peaceskies \(^.^)/