Spilled

Part 7

Ian:

For the first few days, things were almost too awkward.

Like, every time we even looked at each other, I just wanted to break down and cry. Because I missed him. And I'm not really sure why we split up, anyways. Like, obviously it's because I wasn't comfortable revealing to the world that we were dating yet, but was that really something to dump me over? Even if we were only dating for two months, I knew he was the one. We were perfect for each other. We still are.

At least it wasn't a messy breakup, because that would probably require one of us to move out. At least staying friends meant we could still live together, even though the awkwardness would probably linger for a long time.

The night Anthony found me out talking to my sister, I literally thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I mean, he must've heard me tell her how much I missed him and how miserable I was. Which is really bad, because Anthony honestly seems like he's already over me. Which sucks, because I don't think I'll ever be able to move on.

But then also, that night, after he hugged me for probably the last time ever, he told me he loved me. And I've been thinking about those few words almost every second of every day since we officially ended it. He probably only meant it in the loving way that best friends love best friends, but when I replay the conversation in my head, it really seems like he meant it in a way that meant something more. Like he also knew we were perfect for each other, and he would always keep that in the back of his mind, but he had to move on.

I really hated myself for letting this happen. Because although he was able to move on in a matter of days, I wasn't as strong as him. I would never get over the best thing that's ever happened in my life.

-

Today, we were filming for the first time since... it happened. We decided to start small, just a mailtime video, because we didn't think we were quite ready to be around the crew yet. Especially since they had no idea we were done for.

I went out to the garage and grabbed a few boxes of mail, thinking that I would be strong enough to get three at a time (which I do nearly every time we open mail.) But I'm not sure if it was due to the lack of sleep, or maybe I was getting sick, or I was still just emotionally unstable, but as soon as I lifted the three boxes, my arms began to give out, and I found myself stumbling backwards.

And to my embarrassment, of course Anthony had been standing right benhind me the whole time, and I would have crashed into him and sent him tumbling backwards with me, if it weren't for his heroicness that he seemed to show off in every situation.      

He awkwardly caught me around my waist, snaking his arms around me in such a graceful way that you would have thought we rehearsed it a hundred times. I collapsed into him, falling hard into his chest, and he grunted a little as he flexed his biceps out to hold me, and I couldn't help but stare because damn he was sexy. 

At that moment, I forgot about the weight of the boxes and the awkwardness, and I just tilted my head back and looked up into his eyes. And he looked back. And I got lost in his magnificent eyes.

And who knows how long we stayed in that postion. It felt like mere moments, but at the same time, it felt like forever.

Eventually, he turned away, his face pinkening, and pushed me up into a standing position. He grabbed two of the boxes from me and walked inside.

Turning back to the Mount Everest of mail, I let out an exasperated sigh and waited until my face faded back to its normal color before following him inside with only two boxes this time.

We dumped them out on the floor, not speaking, and that just made it even more awkward. But neither of us knew what to say.

I grabbed the camera off the table and turned it on.

"Ready?" I asked him, turning it so the lens faced the pile of mail.

"Mhmm," he responded weakly, flattening down his hair.

I began to reach up and help him fix it, even though it already looked perfect, but then remembered I probably shouldn't do that anymore. Friends don't do that kind of stuff.

I just washed all the bad thoughts out of my head and pressed record.

"Hey Anthony?" 

"Yes Ian?" 

"Why is all this mail sitting on our floor?"

"BECAUSE IT'S MAILTIME WITH SMOSH, BITCH!"

I turned the camera to him and he put on a fake smile, doing some sort of stupid dance only he would do.

As long as we kept things going smoothly, maybe things wouldn't be so awkward after all.

-

For a while, things actually went pretty well. The tension faded for a small amount of time, and for a few short minutes, it was like nothing happened between us. We were just best friends again. And I loved it.

And then everything had to turn around with one simple letter.

It was a drawing a fan did. A great drawing, actually. This person was seriously an amazing artist. It would have been perfect... if it was a normal drawing of Anthony and I.

But, unfortunatley, it wasn't.

It was a drawing of Anthony and I laying on the couch. I was laying on top of Anthony, and his arms were wrapped around my waist, hugging me tightly to him. My face was buried in his neck, and I was asleep. But Anthony was wide awake. He was just watching me sleep, and one of his hands was in my hair, like if the picture could move he would be gently running his fingers through it. I was smiling in my sleep, and he was smiling also, his cheeks shaded a bright tone of pink.

It wasn't really the basic thought of us cuddling again that made me so emotional. It was the fact that the drawing accurately displayed the exact same way we used to cuddle. It was like someone took a picture of how we used to fall asleep almost every night and drew it perfectly.

But of course, that was weeks ago. It's not like that will ever happen again.

"Ian!" 

I snapped out of my little trance and looked up to see Anthony snapping his fingers at me, and judging by the tone in his voice he had been trying to get my attention for a while now.

I folded the paper up. "Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry."

He had set the camera on the ground, and was staring at the paper. "What is that?"

"Um, nothing."

He crawled closer to me. "Let me see it, Ian."

I pulled it away from him, shaking my head.

"Come, on. It's obviously bothering you. Let me see."

Giving up, I let him snatch the paper from my hands. He unfolded it, smoothed it out, and stared at it, completely expressionless.

"Oh," he managed, then gave it one final look before tossing it in our trash pile.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I said, standing up. I walked down the hall to the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

Of course, I didn't really have to go to the bathroom. 

I just didn't want Anthony to see me cry.

A/N: This is getting so sad guys/: so I'm definitely procrastinating final studying right now >.> but hey, four days left, two of those being half days! Couldn't be more excited! :D Are you guys liking this though? Hope so! Okok peaceskies \(^.^)/