Spilled

Part 6

Pre-note: sorry this is up kinda late guys! I was at my cousins grad party all day :p

Anthony:

Two days passed, with absolutely no form of communication.

And I mean none. At all. Not even the awkwardness of running into each other in the hallway, because we both sat in our rooms nearly every second of every day. We got our own meals when we were sure the other wasn't getting his, and the same with the bathroom situation. So I had literally not seen him once in two whole days.

And it was the worst two days of my life.

I spent the whole time just sitting there, hating myself. I was actually crying most of the time, and constantly thinking of what Ian was doing just down the hall at the same moment. Probably the same as me. 

It really surprised me, though. I mean, how he hasn't knocked on my door and tried to apologize at least once. Usually, if we ever got in any sort of argument, he would apologize in a second. But it's been millions of seconds.

I spent every second thinking. About my choice, about if we would ever even be friends again, about Ian. Sure, I missed him like hell, but I'm not positive my decision was wrong. Like, I honestly think Ian is my soulmate, and we're definitely perfect for each other. But every time I doubt my decision, I just think of how enraged I was when I broke up with him, and then I think that it might have been the best thing to do. The past week or so, the rock of our relationship had been cracking, and that was when it finally felt apart.

Maybe soon this would all be over and we would have a perfect fairy-tale ending. Or maybe we would go back to being just friends even though we both knew we were perfect for each other. Or maybe this would be one of those messy break-ups that would never heal. Maybe we would both move out and end Smosh and never speak again.

Currectly, I was laying in bed, and it was almost three in the morning. I had been thinking too much, and the last thought had just hitten me hard, and I stood up and walked towards the door. I needed water. Water always helped me sleep.

I crept slowly down the hall, and even though I wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, I was careful to not wake Ian up. I obviously still cared about him, and I always would, no matter what.

Right at the end of the hallway, I froze as a noise hit my ears. A voice.

Ian's voice.

I slowly peeked around the corner to see him sitting at the table, his phone stuck between his shoulder and his cheek, his face in his hands. I heard him sniff, and realized he was crying. I stepped back a little when he spoke, his voice soft and hoarse.

"No... not even once... I haven't even seen him... I don't know... I can't... Yes, it's really over... Yeah... Like, nothing... Yes, I miss him! ...No, I don't know... I will... Okay... Thanks... Bye."

He hung up the phone and set it on the table. I heard him sob and then watched as he let his head fall onto the table, and he just sat like that, his head on the table, crying. I wanted so badly to run over and comfort him, because that's what I've always done when he's upset and he's always done the same for me. But I knew that would be sort of inappropriate.

Who was he talking to? Did he really miss me that much? 

I closed my eyes and decided that I wouldn't let him suffer like that. I held my breath and told the voice in my head to shut up as I walked out and into the kitchen. He must have not heard me over his crying, because he didn't even flinch. I just stared at him a moment, his helpless, shuddering body. My heart just got heavier every second I stood there, and soon I couldn't stand it anymore, so I cleared my throat.

His head shot up, and his face went pale when he saw me. He wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve and shot up, not looking directly at me. He hurried towards the hallway.

"Ian."

He stopped abruptly, and turned slowly so he was facing me. Our eyes locked, and my heart instantly gave out at his bloodshot, helpless face.

I slowly walked towards him, and stopped when I was only a foot or so away. He didn't speak, didn't move. Just stood in front of me, sniffling and still somewhat trembling.

I hugged him.

I'm not sure why I did it. It just felt... right, I guess. I just hugged him, and he didn't do anything for a moment, and then he hesitantly returned the hug and tried to hold back a sob, unsuccessfully.

We actually stayed like that for a long time. I didn't know what else to do. He just looked so miserable and helpless that I had to.

After a while, I murmured "I'm sorry" into his hair, and he pulled back to look at me.

"Sorry?" he questioned, wiping his eyes.

"For doing this to you. Hurting you. We should have just never dated in the first place. It only caused problems."

He stood still. "I disagree with that."

I frowned a little and sighed. "Look, Ian. I love you. So much. I really do. But it just... it just wasn't working. It was just causing both of us too much trouble. But we're gonna stay friends, okay? Best friends, because you'll always be my best friend no matter what. Even if you think I hate you, I don't. I could never hate you. I love you, and I always will. It's just best for us to stay friends."

He nodded slowly, staring right into my eyes. I stared back, fighting back tears. I couldn't cry right now. That would ruin everything. 

"So it's really over?" he asked, baby blue crystal eyes staring up into mine.

I bit my tongue in an attempt to hold back tears, but it didn't work. I started crying, not even caring anymore because it was just Ian, and hugged him again.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "Remember, friendship always goes farther than relationships."

He nodded into my chest and sniffled. I rubbed his back, not really knowing what else to do.

"No, I'm sorry," he whispered into my shirt. "You deserve so much better than me. Go find him."

I pushed him away from me so we were looking eye-to-eye again. "Go to bed. Your mind is obviously pretty sleep-deprived if you think that's true."

He nodded slowly, and then reached up and wiped away a tear that was slowly making its way down my face. I smiled a little at him, and then he walked away. And I watched as the love of my life walked away from me, down the hallway and into his room. And the thing was, I didn't stop him. I knew that I was making a huge mistake, but I still just stood there, and let him leave me.

I walked over to where he was sitting at the table and ran my fingertips over the tabletop, soaking them with Ian's slowly evaporating tears. I sat down where he was, smiling at how it was still warm, and put my head down right where he was.

And then I cried.

And I cried all night, because I finally did it. I ruined the relationship of my dreams.

I lost the love of my life.

A/N: How do you guys like this so far? I don't really have much to say, so happy Memorial Day weekend to my fellow Americans! No school tomorrow, woo! :D okok peaceskies \(^.^)/