Nightchild

Chapter 26

Sitting next to her on the large four-poster, Nate turned and stared into her eyes before speaking, choosing his words carefully. "Sam was her name, Samantha Eileen Brant...my first wife. She was young and wealthy. I met her through Sonny's wife, Susan. She'd been given everything on a silver platter. Always got whatever she wanted till I came along. We dated for a while. It was nothing serious on my part, just a good time. Sam was crazy and fun to be with at a time when I needed that type of senseless fling. But I could never get emotionally involved with her. She was too flighty, too reckless.

"I started seeing her less and less. There was so much more to life than a good time and game playing. The construction business was beginning to take off after years of struggling and trying to prove myself. We were actually showing a profit. I felt like I owed it, not to myself but to Sonny and Mother, to put everything I had into it. I was a workaholic. That was my drug, my fun.

I wasn't in love with Sam but she wouldn't accept it, accept the fact there was something she wanted and couldn't have. That's what drove her. I doubt she really ever loved me either, but I'd become her obsession. One day, she showed up on my doorstep, doctor's report in hand. She was pregnant. I know it's an old worn out story but it worked. I wanted a child so badly. I guess it was an ego thing, to prove I'd be a better father than mine. I couldn't turn my back on my own child. I had no reason to think it was anyone else's. She'd spent every moment of her indolent little life pursuing me. I married her and found out later there was no baby, never had been."

"But the papers from the doctor?" Blythe questioned.

"Oh, she was good. There was a friend of hers. They were similar, both blond, about the same build...except Martha was pregnant, broke and unwed. Sam talked her into going to a doctor that didn't know either of them and using Sam's name. Like I said, the girl wasn't married so in return Sam promised to pay for all her medical bills and help support the child after it was born."

Compassion for the vile things that had been done to her husband filled Blythe's eyes and she reached for his hand. "How did you find out? Did she confess?"

"Humph," Nate scoffed, bitterness distorting his face. "Sam wasn't simply spoiled. She was selfish and vicious. I was awakened one night by the sound of her screaming at someone in another part of the house. I could tell she was pissed, so I followed her voice to the kitchen. It was shrill, almost hysterical. I expected to see someone with her but she was on the phone and didn't know I was there.

"First thing I heard distinctly was, 'if he finds out, I'll kill you'. 'Find out what?' I asked her. She almost dropped the phone. I still don't know why, but I took it from her hand and asked who it was. This young girl was crying on the other end. Something about Sam trying to force her to leave town but her boyfriend was back in the picture, demanding she get the whole mess cleared up before he'd marry her. She said he wasn't going to raise their child with money got that way. Hell, I don't remember the exact words, but it slowly sunk in and once Pandora's Box had been opened, it wasn't too hard to get the rest of the story.

I think Sam literally took pleasure out of taunting me with the truth. She'd tricked me and the way she had it figured, I deserved it for not loving her. Her mind was twisted. Her love, or what she thought was love, had crossed over that thin line into an unrealistic realm of hate."

"You didn't leave her?"

"I thought about it. It would have been the best for both of us. But I kept thinking of my father and how he'd left...what it had done to Mother. I was determined to stick it out, to make things work. When Sam died, I felt guilty. I should have been able to lover her, to make her happy. In a way, maybe it was all my fault.

"How? Why? You did everything anyone could possibly do, maybe more. You certainly had no control over her illness. You're not God."

Nate looked at her oddly for a moment and sighed then pulled her to him and held her tightly. "No, I'm not God," he whispered, giving her a squeeze and tilting her head, he saw there were tears threatening to run down her cheeks at any second.

"Oh, Blythe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep this from you. And I sure as hell didn't want you to find out this way. I meant to tell you myself. I had no idea Mother would say what she did. She hasn't spoken Sam's name since the day she died. My life's been such a fuckin' soap opera. It's too much to lay on you all at once. I wanted you to absorb it in fragments, not hit you with it the day we came home. The past is dead for me. I don't like dredging it up. This, of all times, should be happy for us. And it will. I promise. Just be patient with me."

Tears streamed down her face now and when she spoke her voice came in sobs. "I'm not crying over me. It's you. All the horrible things people have done to you. You've been betrayed so often. I always thought the world was black or white; that you're loved or you're not, that you love or you don't love...in which case you simply move on. But it's not that simple is it? I've avoided responsibility like the plague, while you've had to deal with it since you were a kid. All the years I was growing up, I thought there were good people and evil. You stay away from the evil and no one would want to hurt you, lie to you, take your life and tear it apart. I thought that stuff was what books were made of...not real life."

"Your nightmares?" Nate asked.

She stiffened. "They're only dreams."

"Then I want to help you. I want to make them go away...just like the real world, I'll never let anything harm you. Trust me, Blythe. I love you."

"I trust you," she said. And snuggling against him, feeling warm and secure in his arms, she knew she could face whatever else awaited them downstairs.