Dear Diary [SEVENTEEN Fanfic]

Diary Entry #7

2015.01.24:

Dear diary,

Another school day like non other because school just keeps continuing without ever really changing. You do homework, you study, you take exams and sometimes you get scolded by teachers. Those are the normal rules to abide by.

Other than that, making friends is something else. That's depending on your choice. I always thought that studying was the only thing that really mattered and friends are just a distraction.

After yesterday's talk with Wonwoo (which I did not write about because it basically was a whole conversation about having friends and not being alone), I think differently now. Friends aren't distractions. Well, they are but they're good ones. A good excuse to stop stressing out and have fun.

They're like diaries. Well, no offence to you, diary, but they're like responsive diaries.

Oh, that's enough friend thoughts since Ms. Shin just entered our classroom.

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Why is Minah annoying me again? Is my life that enjoyable to mess with? Oh, I know. She must be a sadist.

"Hey, cold face," she called loudly in the middle of the hallway. Everyone there stopped talking and concentrated on what the popular girl was on about. It was as if it was mandatory to turn their heads and concentrate on the popular girl. 

Turning around, I asked back, "What?"

She stormed across the crowd of people. I was surprised to see them move out of the way like that. Are they that scared of her?

"Dino and Wonwoo are ignoring me. Is this your doing? How many times have I told you to stay away from themㅡ"

"You think everyone revolves around you, huh?" I interrupted her. "You think every boy just adores you that much?"

"Excuse me!" she roared.

"Keurae! You are excused!" I replied back to her with the same raised tone. I was getting sick of her as the day passed. "I'm sick and tired of your attitude, Oh Minah! Every time! This boy this, that boy that. Just because they rejected you, do you think it's my fault?"

That was it. That was when I felt a stinging feeling on my cheek. I was slow to react but everyone silent. The silent then broke into murmurs. 

I was just slapped by Minah.

In front of everyone.

I lost my cool again and ran away from the crowd, escaping into the rooftop again.

I'm still here, constantly touching my cheek and feeling its pain. It wasn't very painful, but every time I touch my cheek, I seem to remember the slap and how embarrassing it was.

It was a humiliation of pain with tons of spectators.

Remembering it right now, I try my best not to cry again. I hope no one finds me. I really want to be alone.

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Dino came rushing in while I was skipping the fifth periodㅡHistory. Mr. Choi would barely notice anyway. He was a type of teacher who just teaches and that's it.

"Are you okay?!" Dino asked, putting his arms around me. "I heard that Minah slapped you! Well if she likes me, I won't ever like her back after what she's done to you!"

I tried my best to put on a face that showed him that I didn't care but the tears were coming back again and I feel like a dragon was roaring up inside me. Dino's hug felt warm and it was the first time in forever I was embraced like this.

Oh my gosh, I'm crying as I remember how he held me. The pages are slowly getting wet. I'm sorry diary but you won't mind, right? I have to continue writing out my bottled feelings so hang in there.

Dino made me feel like... like I actually matter. Like I'm not just some insignificant number that lost her way. He made me feel like I wasn't brought into this world by an accident.

You know, it was really hard to not loose myself and cry in his arms. I was biting my lip so hard I'm surprised it didn't start to bleed. I continued to wear a poker face as Dino caressed the back of my head. 

"Next time," Dino said, "if you need help, call me. Don't handle it all by yourself. I'm your friend, Hani. You should start knowing that friends help each other."

I couldn't say anything in reply. My bottled up feelings were starting to get out of control.

"Do you want to go back to class?" he asked me, slowly breaking from the embrace.

I stared at him then shook my head, lowering it so he couldn't see my eyes.

"Okay," Dino said in return. "I'll see you later. You must want some alone time."

Oh, diary. My eyes hurt because I'm crying a lot. I don't even understand why. All these emotional flashbacks kept playing in my mind, making me cry more. All the love that I used to feel came back for a moment then left. It was as if it was trying to get me to remember what love felt like.

Love didn't necessarily mean to love someone as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Love means to have strong feelings and connection with someone, either just friends or not.

Love is a weapon, and it can hurt you when you accidentally point it at yourself.

I'm going to take a break before I soil the pages with tears.

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I only went down after the mini break was over. So what if my marks are deducted? I don't have the mood to worry today. Anyway, it's just for a day.

My mood was slowly getting better but it dropped a landslide when I went to my table and saw a piece of paper with the words:

WHO SAYS YOU'RE ALLOWED TO HAVE BOYS LIKE YOU? THINK AGAIN, SLUT! YOU'RE A NOBODY, REMEMBER THAT! A NO-BO-DY! NO ONE LIKES YOU, CAN'T YOU GO DROWN YOURSELF OR SOMETHING ALREADY?

They say words can never hurt a person. Well, most of the time. My mood turned foul in exactly 0.01 second. It might as well be a world's record.

With that foul mood, I ripped the paper and crumpled it. I was tired of Minah acting like the spoiled brat she was. It's tiring.

"Are you okay?" When I thought it would be Dino, I was surprised to see Wonwoo there. He was staring at me with a pair of concerned eyes. "I heard what happened."

I stared at him, giving him another cold stare. This cold stare was to keep people from asking about my life. Sometimes, change is hard.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" He was trying his best and I could see that. I appreciate him for trying but it seemed like he was getting nowhere because, well, he's dealing with me.

I shook my head and headed back to my table, looking out of the window.

He didn't give up, though. He and the guy who sits in front of me swapped places for a while. "Hani, talk to me. Is something wrong?"

"Wonwoo, I told you, right? I told you to stop worrying about me. I'm none of your concern. Why do you keep caring?"

So much for what I thought was friendship.

I also noticed I've been writing a lot more than the first time I've wrote into you, diary. Must be the problems. I don't care anymore. I just... don't.

Love, 
Hani.