Almost easy

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I look at Zack as he stops talking. I shake my head so confused. He really didn't mean to do what he did but how do you move on knowing it happene
"Zack seriously I know you didn't mean for what happened to happen but you still did it...I can't just forget it." I say.
"I know I think about it all the time and I kick my self for it. How could I let anything like that happen?" He asks me.
"That just it. How do I let it go? How do I move on?"
"I don't know sometimes life is altered and can't turn out right. When I see you I can read it on your face what I've done. I ruined everything." He says his voice cracking.
"Zack....you...I....." I break off not even sure what to say.
"I see my whole world crumbling before my eyes and I know its my fault. I wish I could say in time it will be alright but I don't know." He says to me.
"Is it over?" I ask as tears start falling.
"I desperately don't want it to be." Zack says looking at me.
"I don't either. Why? Whyd this have to happen?" I sob.
"Well I don't know why...because people can't stand it when other people are happy?" He asks me.
"I don't know either. Zack I don't want us to be over but I don't see how this can turn out right....I just I don't." I sob.
He gets up and wraps his arms around me.
"Liz I'd do anything to take this back. I wish I could turn back time and I don't know just not even go to that fucking bar that night." He spits.
"I wish I would've never gone to Florida. That place is a sess pool for bad things to happen." I say leaning into his chest. I smell his cologne. I can feel his warmth against me and I close my eyes. I think back to when we first met. When I didn't know who he was. I knew Zack not Zacky Vengeance. I remember the beautiful man that I felt could fix everything that was ever wrong with me. Even when I found out who was I still felt that he was my savior. He would be the person who would always make everything alright and now I feel like I'm loosing him. He's slipping from me and I can't do anything to stop it. My head just keeps showing me pictures of him and Meghean. I shake my head.
*what is it Liz?" Zack asks me as I feel his tears falling into my hair.
"I feel like I'm loosing you." I cry.
"I think you're already gone baby." He cries.
I turn to look at him and see the pain of what this awful bitch has done to is written on his face.
"I don't want to be Zack. I just can't stop picturing you with her. I keep hearing her in my head saying your name." I cry.
"I know I can see it in your eyes every time I look into them. I can see it. I know. I am so sorry baby I am so sorry." He cries.
I wipe the tears off of his face as mine continue to fall. "Zack I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I should have never left. I should've stayed right here and this would have never happened."
"No I should've stayed home. I'm a father and a husband I had no business going anywhere like that without you. It's me baby. It's my fault. It's me why we can't move from this. I did this. You're not to blame." He softly kisses my hand.
My eyes closed and I grab his shirt pulling him eye level with me. I stare into his eyes. The eyes I have gotten lost in some many times. I run my finger across his lips. I push the little hair up off of his face.
"Zack I love you why can't we let this go?" I whisper.
"Because something can't be forgiven no matter how or why it happened. I knew I could never fix this." He says to me softly.
"I'll mourn this forever. I won't ever be able to move on. I can't. You're....you're my whole life Zack what will I do from here? How can I go on?" I ask him.
"I don't know. You've always been so true to me Liz. Always. You know I've never believed in fairytales but I thought maybe just maybe I'd get a happy ever after with you. I never thought I'd fuck it up to this degree." He moans.
"We can't give up can we? What's about the boys? Don't we owe it to them?" I cry harder.
"Baby....what will that do?" He asks me.
"I don't know but I can't give up. I can't. My head says yes give it up girl its so over but my heart is saying no you fight you stay right here and you fight." I say.
"Your head is probably right. I don't deserve you as much as I want you." He says defeated.
"Are you wanting to let me g" I ask him painfully.
"No! God no baby! I want you to forever. But how can I ask you of that seeing the pain I've caused in your eyes?" Zack asks me.
"I...I'll let it go. I have to. Zack you didn't mean to. I know you didn't. Will she be gone from our lives forever?" I ask him hopefully.
"Well....you sort of kicked her ass last night and went to jail....you'll probably have to write her an all letter." He jokes.
"Fuck that I'd rather spend couple of days in jail. I'd fucking die before I could ever apologize!" I say pissed off.
"I know because calling you a fat cow is completely wrong." He laughs.
Before I know it in laughing too. Hard. We're both laughing like we're absolutely insane.
"I swear I'm not insane!" I say laughing between hiccups.
"Yes you is!" Zack laughs harder.
I wipe a tear off of my cheek and lean up and kiss him. He's caught be surprise so it takes him a second to kissmme back but suddenly he's kissing me as if he life depends on this one last kiss. I wrap my arms and legs around him not wanting to let go of him. Not wanting this to be goodbye. I feel like I could stay right here in the kiss forever. Everything it perfect in this kiss. Everything that has always made sense about us I am trying to pour into this kiss.
I lay my head on his shoulder as he stands holding me.
"Liz I love you" Zack whispers holding me tightly to him.
"I love you too" I say trying my best not to let it sound like goodbye but like forever.

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