GUILTY (Gabe's Trials)

Prologue

Verona, Italy.

Rosso Bar (11:36 p.m)

The few man wearing white clothes were hungrily watching me from the corner of the room, making my stomach twist and causing my eyes to squeeze shut for a moment. That was not going to happen. I didn't have a gay bone in my entire body. Turning my back to them, I grabbed my glass of Jack and downed it while looking down at my black jeans and T-shirt and sighing. No matter how badly I tried to blend in, that was just fucking impossible to me appearently. Instead of making me look just like all the other men coming here, my black clothes were making me look like one hell of a predator -a predator I'd grown to be during the past seven moths. Yet, I was not completely like the rest of the men wearing black. I was here for the women. Just the women.

A woman's voice started coming through the speakers, her song a sensual, passionate one, three girls -wearing red, lacy corsets- starting to sway their hips to the music while slowly making their way around me, their hands roaming freelyover my body. A cocky smirk pulled at the corner of my lips as a tiny, pale, perfectly manicured hand reached for my belt and started fumbling with it. Looking up and glancing at the redhead trying to get her hands on my crotch, I slightly recoiled. She had light green eyes and full red lips, her body perfectly toned, her red hair, tied in a ponytail. My breath hitched, my hand capturing hers in a vice grip. I couldn't let that happen. I'd spent the last seven fucking months trying to forget her and keep myself away from anything that could've reminded me of her. I was not going to ruin everything now.

Pushing the girl aside, I nodded my head at the two blondes still left in the game, their mouths forming two identical coy smiles as they went on with the swaying and the touching. One of their hands reached for my groin again just as my cell started buzzing inside my pants pocket so I had no other choice but to gently turn my back to the two women, and pull it out to check the text I'd received. I already knew who it was from and what it said, of course, but I still couldn't help myself from reading it anyway. It was the only thing that helped me keep what little was left of my fucking sanity.

Ginger: She's gone to sleep. Everything's fine back here.

I wished she'd told me more about her, but we both knew that it would've done me no good. It was hard enough as it was. I didn't need more information to make me think of her. Nodding my head at my phone, I placed it back into my pocket, pulling one of the girls into my lap and harshly taking her mouth while pulling at her hair. I needed a fucking distraction.

My hand went between her legs and the girl moaned into my mouth as my fingers found her core, applying just a little pressure. I was probably not what she was looking for since I didn't plan on torturing her -not by using pain anyway- but I also suspected she wouldn't really mind that. When they came to me, women didn't necessarily do it for the pain. They were choosing me for the promise of pleasure my body and eyes held. I happened to know that because one of them had told me so the other night.

A pat on my shoulder dragged me out of my contemplation, making me break the kiss and turn my head to look at my friend. Mathew was wearing a nice, blue shirt -unbuttoned at the collar- and a pair of jeans, his eyes narrowed on my face. Refusing to push the girl away from me, I gave him a mischivous smile. He needed to understand that that was who I was now.

"Welcome, my friend. What team are you playing for tonight?" Mathew visibly clenched his teeth, the look of annoyance on his face making me raise my brows in mock shock. I knew very well he didn't like being reminded of his sordid past -a past I'd witnessed and was now reliving.

"I just don't get it, man. You don't belong here. What the fuck are you trying to do to yourself?" He couldn't have been more wrong. Without Julia in my life anymore, this place was exactly where I belonged. A woman screamed from somewhere behind me and I turned to look at the scene unfolding before my eyes. A tiny brunette laid hanged on one of the Saint Andrew's crosses scattered around the room while a blond man used a whip on her, his movements harsh and experienced. Her pale skin had turned pink in more places than one -including her perky breasts-, her eyes tightly closed while accepting his punishment. The girl in my lap moaned at the sight of her, her hand covering mine and applying more pressure to her core. I smiled, feeling my arousal growing and pushing against her ass.

"Come on, man. I'm not using this one." I said, pushing the other girl -who was appearently still waiting at my side- in Mathew's direction, though I knew he wasn't going to accept my offer. He loved Angie. Cheating on her was not even an option.

"Why don't you come with me, Gabe? You don't need a fucking BDSM bar. You've got plenty of willing girls back home, if you think that's what you need. Just... Let's get out of here." I gave my friend a sarcastic smile. He knew it was going to take much more to get me out of the damned bar.

"I don't want the girls back home. They all love me. I don't need the complications that would come as a consequence to my actions." Mathew sighed and sat on the empty stool next to me, his shoulders slumping a little in defeat. I knew that he was trying to find the right words to express what he was thinking and that made me frown. It wasn't like him not to freely speak his mind.

"We both know why you're doing this, man. But trust me, just because you think that this helps... Just because fucking some strangers into this disgusting place makes you forget her for one night... That doesn't mean you get to forget her for good. Avoiding the problem doesn't make it go away." A harsh laugh left my lips at my friend's choice of words. He had no idea how I felt. How much I needed her. How much it killed me not to be able to touch, smell or kiss her. How much I fucking missed her.

"And what exactly do you think would help me? Talking about it?" The words left a bitter taste on my tongue. I was certainly not going to talk about it. I was no masochist.

"Why did you leave her behind, man?" I gave my friend a bewildered look. That was a stupid question. He was there when she'd told me to leave -when she'd refused to come with me. I wouldn't have left her behind if I had a choice -and no, manhandling her into the plane was not a choice.

"Because she asked me to." Mathew smiled, making me wonder what could've been so funny.

"We both know that wouldn't have been enough to make you walk away. She was too important to you." My friend had always chosen to believe in love, even when he had no reason to do that -like now for instance.

"She was just like the others." Even as I said it, I didn't believe a word. Julia had been so much more.

"You know that's not true. You spent too much time and resources on her to say that now. You like it or not, you cared about her, you stuborn ass. So, tell me the truth. What the fuck are you doing here, fucking girls you couldn't give a crap about and feeling miserable?" I sighed, finally dropping my mouth from the girl's neck.

"Fine. You're right. She was not like the others. She was perfect. And that's exactly why I chose to leave." The weeknd started playing in the background, their DD reviving my arousal, thank God. "She deserved better and she knew that -we both did. That's why she didn't come with us. That's why I let her go. What could a murderer like me give her except for pain and a whole lot of troubles?" The girl in my lap tensed -making me realise that she 'd understood my words- so my hand went back to her core, adding pressure and making her melt back into me, any trace of worry gone. "I can't even love her, man. That's how fucked up I am." Mathew bitterly smiled and stood up.

"The simple fact that you think you can't love her, proves you do, man. I'll leave the car in the parking lot for you. Try to sober up, you idiot." Turning his back to me, my wingman headed for the door without looking back.

Unfortunatelly for me, no matter how much I wanted to believe my friend's words, I knew better than that. I wasn't capable of love.

Turning the girl in my lap around, so that she could face me, I kissed her hard, unbuttoning my pants, sliding a condom on and entering her in one swift thrust. The blond woman was nothing like my judge, but she had to do. After all, nobody was ever going to be as good as my Julia. My hips bucked uncontrolably five minutes later, her body also tensing up, her fingers gripping my hair as she reached her climax. My eyes quickly scanned her face, my chest rising with a silent sigh. The woman didn't smile when she let go, but then, I didn't really expect her to. She wasn't my judge...