GUILTY (Gabe's Trials)

Denial

Waking up to Jessie Ware's sweet voice singing something about love was quickly becoming a habit to me. But then, so was going to sleep with Gabriel by my side, and waking up alone. Of course, today was no exception to that. The sheets on the empty side of the bed were all crumpled -just like usually- Jessie singing to me about how she didn't want to fall in love. 

And yet, today was not exactly the same, since I was capable of making out his deep, husky voice even through the noise made by the running faucets in the bathroom. My murderer was angry judging by the string of curses coming from him, the sound of breaking glass then ringing throughout the room. Standing up, completely oblivious to my current outfit -meaning one of Gabe's large T-shirts- I headed towards the door that opened a moment later, revealing the deadly specimen of a man Gabriel Shaffer was. 

"What the fuck did you do, Julia?" And even though I could've thought of a number of things I'd done, I was quite sure he wasn't talking about any of them. So insted of giving him an answer -which I was quite sure would've been a wrong one anyway- I simply folded my hands over my chest, silently waiting for him to elaborate. "Please tell me you didn't quit your job." Oh, so that was it, then.

"Ok, if that's what you want to hear, then I didn't quit my job." My voice was still sleepy, my brow slightly raised due to his outburst. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he so damn angry at something I was supposed to be angry about? Visibly clenching his teeth, my murderer's hands fisted at his sides, the one holding the cell almost turning the poor thing into dust.

"Why would you do such a thing? Why the hell would you give up on your bench?" He was obviously trying to hold on to his temper, but, unfortunatelly, he was not too good at it. The man looked like he wanted to punch a hole through something. 

"Look, I'm fine." One of my hands shot out, softly touching his chest in a soothing manner. Again, he was not the one supposed to be angry about me quiting my job, but out of an unknown reason to me, he was and I had to make sure that he didn't do something stupid that we both would've ended up regretting. So putting on a brave face, I tried my best to give the angry man in front of me an explanation that wouldn't have made him go ballistic. "I did what I had to do, Gabriel." My voice was stronger than I felt, but right then, I couldn't afford to be weak. My murderer needed to believe that I was ok with my choice. "There was no going back after what I'd done. I knew that from the moment I'd decided to take sides." I didn't need to say more. I knew Mathew had already told him about what had happened at the last hearing. I knew Gabriel was aware of what I'd done for him. 

Stepping to the side, he walked to the bed behind me, lowering himself onto the soft mattress. I silently watched his hands gripping his head, what I considered to be an incredulous laugh making his body shake slightly. 

"Is there anything that I didn't ruin for you?" A frown marred my forehead as I stood competely still in the middle of his bedroom, staring at the man who used to own my heart. And since I honestly doubted my answer would've helped, I decided to keep quiet. "I wish I would've stayed away from you." My eyes teared up, my heart literally hammering against my ribcage. I'd known this moment was coming, but... If this really was the time he told me he regreted everything that had happened between us, then I didn't want to hear it. Because I didn't. I didn't regret it at all. 

Heading towards the bed, I sat on the edge of it, my hand reaching out for one of his. His hazels found my blues, his mouth opening but then closing again, as if failing to form any words. 

"I'm not sorry for having to leave the bench." Mildly shaking my head at him, I felt his hand squeeze mine a little tighter. He didn't believe me yet, but he was going to, because as I stood there with my hand in his, I realised that I was actually telling the truth and I knew that he was going to see it too at some point. "There are more important things in life than a job, Gabriel. I know that now." Taking my hand to his lips the man I feared was luring me back into his world, reverently kissed my knuckles. And right then and there, I gave my heart a break from her constant attempts to get over Gabriel Shaffer.