(Reyna's point of view)
~
I'm walking home with Bianca.
Usually we wouldn't, but the teacher for our last lesson is ill, and we don't live far away from each other.
I'm nervous.
There's no reason to be nervous.
I look at Bianca.
She's so perfect.
So strong, and smart and amazing. And so beautiful.
I wish I would have the courage to tell her. To get any of these things in words.
But how can I share what I feel when I don't even accept it?
Otherwise- Who am I when I can't even manage the easiest things?
It's so childish how I act. It's not that hard to tell someone you like him. People do this every day.
Why is it so hard for me?
I take a deep breathe
'Bianca, could I...could I tell you something?'
Damn, why am I this nervous? What's the worst thing that could happen?
'Sure, I told you that you can always talk to me.' she looks interested, she must have already noticed that there's something wrong with me through the last days.
'I...uhm...kinda...like you. I guess. Not that I would expect you to...I mean...I just wanted you to know. I've never talked to anyone and...god, I'm sorry, I just...' what is wrong with me? Why can't I articulate myself?!
'Don't be sorry! It's okay. You're okay. And that you told me too. It's just...please, let's change the topic, okay?'
Now she looks nervous. Nearly scared. I wonder why.
'Is everything alright?'
She nods. Then suddenly everything bursts out of her
'I don't know! How can I know? I don't know what's wrong with me or what I feel. I never had a crush on someone, no matter how I try, and I don't get what's wrong with me! Like, I love my family, but I don't know if someone else and if so who and why and I really like you, but not in this way, I don't even know what in this way is supposed to mean, and I never talked to anyone because I don't know how to explain and...' she's crying, looking really desperate.
'There's nothing wrong with you Bianca. It's okay. There's no need for you to like people in a way that don't feel right for you. Or to know exactly how you feel and how you will feel in the future. Just...you deserve to be happy, okay? And you don't have to worry about this all. And when you want to talk to someone...even you may can't explain yourself, it's okay. I'm here, and your family and friends are too. You know this right?'
Bianca smiles at me, and even she's still crying a little bit, she's wiping away her tears and nodes.
'Yes. Thanks. It's good to talk.'
Then we're walking on.
I'm fine.
She may not repeat my feelings, and she may never will, but that's alright.
Sometimes it's already enough to know that you're not alone.
