Torn

Chapter 3

Her phone buzzes loudly in her ear. She opens up her phone and checks the time on the clock. 4:30. She reads the message.
"I did something really bad, Amanda." She immediately dials him.
"Do you need me to come over?"
"Can you? Please?" She hangs up and quietly walks out of the room, trying not to wake Rafael, down her apartment stairs, and starts off towards Sonny's house on foot, texting Liv that something is going on with Sonny. She arrives finally, and knocks on his door. He opens it a crack.
"I came here immediately." He nods.
"Come in."
"What's the problem?" She sits down on his coffee table next to the couch.
"I felt like hurting Barba-" Amanda feels angry at first, and then relieved.
"But you didn't?"
"I hurt myself instead."
"Sonny! You were on suicide watch all the time when you were in jail. Don't go down that dark and scary road again."
"I already did, Amanda! You can't stop it if it already happened." He looks down.
"What did you do?" He appears distant and upset.
"I'm so alone. I need you again-" she takes his hand and holds it firmly, but breaks out in a cold sweat and shakes.
"I'm always here for you."
"Break up with Barba. You're not happy."
"I think it's you that I'm not happy with, Sonny." He looks confused.
"I-" he stutters out. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"I had a flashback right when you came back again, Sonny. You're triggering my PTSD."
"Amanda, I'm sorry, I-"
"And Rafael didn't lock up the sucker-" tears slowly start dripping down her face.
"I'm not happy at all." He opens up his arms to her. She gladly accepts his hug.
"Back to you though. What did you do?" He points towards the window.
"I punched through the glass." He shows her his arm, all covered in shards and glass. She gasps.
"That could have killed you, Sonny!"
"And why would you have cared?" His loving personality just switched.
"I would have cared because you care about me. Nothing else." His eyes become soft again. "I'm staying the night here, Sonny. Nothing you say can change my mind." He sighs.
"Will Rafael be upset?" She pulls out her phone. It dials to voicemail.
"Hi Rafi. I wanted you to know that I went to an emergency therapist visit. I needed it. I'll be back this afternoon." Sonny takes Amanda's hand and leads her to his bedroom.
"I love you, and I've always loved you. Don't ever forget that." Amanda says. She lies down next to Sonny, and he pulls her on top of him, gently kissing her lips. She slowly starts to feel relaxed, like she's finally in her place after a long three years, and she slowly starts to doze off.

A loud knock awakes them both. Sonny gets up to answer it.
"Where's Amanda?" It's Barba. She runs into the bathroom. "I got her voicemail but she wasn't at the therapist."
"She went out to breakfast. She asked me to join her, but I kindly declined." He sighs.
"If I find out that you were in there with her, I'm going to-" a phone call interrupts him.
"Hi Liv." He walks away. Sonny keeps the door open, and watches him talk on the phone. He hangs up violently.
"Olivia told me that Amanda came to check on you last night." Amanda squeezes her eyes shut.
"You're the trigger for her PTSD, Carisi. Stay away from her."
"You don't even care enough to pay attention to her PTSD. You stay away from her, or she'll just rapidly decline."
"She confessed everything to me." Barba snaps.
"Even about her sergeant?" He's speechless.
"That's what I thought."
"What happened with her sergeant?"
"If you cared enough, you'd know." He slams the door, and walks to see Amanda in the bathroom corner, shaking and crying.
"D-did he hurt you?" She says between sobs.
"No, sweetheart. He didn't." Sonny sits down on the floor and wraps his arms around her, once again making her feel safe.
"He reminds me of my sergeant."
"Who?"
"Rafael. That's why I don't tell him anything. I'm afraid the same thing will happen to me."