Torn

Chapter 5

Amanda finds herself in Sonny's apartment, sitting on the couch, wrapped in a large blanket. She smells a savory and comforting scent coming from the kitchen. She lets herself slowly snap out of the daze she's in to focus on Sonny in the kitchen. She shakes her head and lies down. She hears the glass clinking as Sonny pulls out a glass bowl from his cabinet. She starts shaking, feeling anxiety and PTSD start haunting her thoughts. Sonny walks out to her.
"I made some soup to help you feel a bit better." She shakes her head.
"I'm not hungry."
"What happened between you and our District Attorney?"
"I can't tell you." She sits up and away from him.
"You can tell me everything. You can trust me." She picks up her bowl, inhaling the scents.
"I didn't want to get him in trouble."
"If getting him in trouble is what we need to to, it's for the best."
"But I'm still so in love with him."
"No you're not. You just think you are."
"I guess you're right." She sighs.
"What happened between you and Barba?" She inhales and exhales sharply.
"He thought that being in a relationship gave him consent. That's all I'm saying."
"Did he rape you?" She stays quiet.
"Amanda, you know there's resources out there for you-"
"I tried to talk to my therapist about it. She doesn't believe me."
"Liv will believe you. Tomorrow at work I'll talk to her. You don't have to be alone."
"I don't want to get him fired. He's a great attorney, he wins a lot of cases-" she looks down into her bowl, and feels a cold tear drip down her face.
"I didn't tell anybody that he reminded me of my sergeant. It makes me feel so weak and feeble." She puts her bowl down on the table, and Sonny wraps his arms around her.
"We can help you."
"I made a mistake." She says suddenly.
"What's that?"
"Letting you go, I realized." She relaxes into his arms.
"I said some things I didn't mean. Just know that I trust you." He kisses the bridge of her nose. "Did he ever actually hurt you?" Sonny asks with care.
"I said that I'm not going to tell you anything." She snaps at him.
"I'm just trying to help you." She sighs, waves of guilt flushing over her.
"I-I'm sorry."
"I recognize this." He says. "You're having a PTSD fit." She nods.
"I don't want to eat. I just want to wither away to nothing, because I'm worthless."
"You're not worthless." He puts his hands on her face gently. "So far from it." She nods, tears streaming down her face. "I think you just need some rest. Let's get you in bed." He helps her to his bedroom, handing her a pair of his sweatpants.
"Get comfortable." She nods and quickly changes into them. She draws back the covers and gets into his bed, the sheets and pillows having a sweet scent. She feels herself slowly drifting off.

"Please don't hurt me! I didn't do anything to you!"
"You deserve this. You slut." She squeezes her eyes shut as she feels pain rush over her body.
"I don't want you anymore. I hate you!"
"Get ready." She feels a burning in her abdomen.

She wakes up screaming and yelling with fear. She hears Sonny's feet come pounding on the floor outside the door.
"I got raped. I got raped." She repeats over to herself. Sonny opens the door and runs to her, a cold sweat running down her back.
"He raped me, Sonny."
"Who raped you?" He asks alarmingly.
"Rafael hurt me-" he takes her into his arms, and slowly holds her to relax her.
She falls asleep in his arms once again, and she hears him leave. She's awaken suddenly by her dry mouth. Craving for some water, she walks out quietly, and sees Sonny on the couch with his back turned to the door. Making out with him, a small blonde. She feels automatically sick to her stomach, and runs back to the room.
"I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. I knew it."