Torn

Chapter 7

She's shaken awake by a nightmare, hitting her head on the metal toilet next to her. She puts her hand to her head, feeling the warm blood trickle through her fingers. It awakes her cell mates.
"Looks like newbie hit her head." One of them says, jumping off of her bed. She closes her eyes.
"I wonder what's going to happen this time." She starts to sob. They pull her up by the collar of her uniform.
"The rules of this cell is there's absolutely NO crying."
"I-I'm a cop."
"Why are you here then?"
"I threatened to kill my sister." She regains her posture.
"And I can kill you too." The boost of confidence surprises her.
"Well, sweetie pie, I'm the queen of this cell, you don't tell me what to do."
"Or do I?" She turns around and restricts her hands.
"I feel powerful again."
"Guess what we'll be doing to newbie tonight!" Amanda hears the inmate holler. Amanda lets her go.
"I don't even know why I'm here."
"You did the crime, you do the time, newbie." Her clothes are ripped off.
"No-" Amanda fights them off, but loses. She feels a pain in her leg as she's pushed over onto the toilet, hitting her head once again, blacking out.

She wakes up to a bright light in her face, and her head bandaged up. She tries to sit up, but handcuffs and shackles restrain her.
"Rollins?" A man walks in saying.
"Yes. Can you tell me what's going on?"
"Your fellow inmates sexually assaulted you and then tried to kill you. Your leg is broken, and you have a severe concussion. You may not remember it." She shakes her head.
"Can you call my- my sergeant?" She coughs. "I-I mean Olivia Benson. Sergeant of Manhattan Special Victims Unit."
"We don't need to." He says. "Someone named Sonny Carisi already paid bail. He's on his way now."
"Sonny did that for me?" She smiles to herself. She's put in a wheelchair and wheeled out to the lobby. She sees Sonny walk in, with tired and sad eyes. He sighs.
"Amanda-"
"I'll tell you the whole story. Can we just go home?" He nods and picks her up from her wheelchair. She rests her head on his shoulder. The shoulder that she missed so much. She's put into his car.
"What's the deal with Kim?" She asks.
"Don't worry about Kim. I should have never wasted my time on her or lied to you."
"What happened?" Amanda asks.
"I found out she was selling drugs. She got busted by the NYPD and I had to break it off." She shakes her head.
"She's always been addicted to cocaine." Amanda mumbles.
"That would have been helpful to know!"
"I didn't know you would be in a relationship with my sister! I didn't think you would need to know that!" She shouts. They pull up in front of her apartment. He picks her up from her seat in the car.
"Change into something comfy. I'll make coffee. And then tell me what happened." She nods and walks into her room. She takes off her shirt, shivering, remembering what happened last night. She quickly puts on a sweater and sweatpants. Sonny takes her hand.
"What happened?"
"I woke up with a nightmare. It was about you-" she stops to take a breath. "I woke up on the floor. I was the newbie. The older girls got the beds. I hit my head on the toilet. It woke them up. She tried to tell me the rules of her cell, but I apprehended her. And then she-" Amanda shudders. "Ripped my clothes off and forced herself onto me, and then knocking me out again." She starts to shake. He takes her head in his hands.
"You're safe. I promise." She sees a note on the coffee table.
"It's from Rafael."
"Amanda, I can't deal with you anymore. I took my stuff and left. Good luck getting around on your own after getting out of jail." She closes her eyes and rips up the note, spreading it across the room. She starts crying, all of the emotions built up inside finally surfacing.
"I don't want to live anymore, Sonny! PTSD is already bad enough! Nobody needs me here." He gently kisses her, making her insides jump.
"I need you. I care about you. Although your inmates mistreated you, Barba left, and I've been an asshole, I promise I'm always here for you."
"Thanks, Sonny." He nods. "Will you forget about everything I said about you?" She asks.
"All of the bad things, yes." She giggles. "I want you to be mine again. I remember that you said I was the only comfort you had. Three years ago, when we were so deeply in love, but now I feel like the feelings have changed." She nods in agreement.
"I love you, but I don't know if I can trust you anymore."