Something Abstract

Enough

"A/N: Please read it while listening to "West" by Sleeping at Last. 

I know, I know I'm a sucker for Sleeping at last, you have to bear with me but not with their music cause it's AWESOME!!

He didn't know what compelled him to go with Alana, maybe the harsh yet honest words that woke him up or the fact that she's someone who knew Luis more than anyone.

"How come people love blindly? Do you all gain satisfaction in knowing later and loving now? And why are you here with my sister? Forgive me if I sound like a harsh businessman, but I guess, I'm curious."

He didn't answer he felt like a hypocrite to answer her question. He left Luis, hoping that he can atone for Lia but here he is, finding regret in every corner of his soul. He felt that he have no right to answer for Luis nor Lia.

She offered him her alcohol flask. He accepted it.

She sighed. "Here." She threw him her car keys. "Drive to where I'm going to say." He was confused but nonetheless abide.

She walked briskly ahead of him. "Call me Alana. That brat's older sister."

He was mildly afraid to drive her car. It's a brand new BMW that he guessed cost more than his whole apartment and car to add.

He threw side glances at her, she was texting or emailing in her phone with a straight face.

"There. You shit heads. It's done." She threw her phone at the backseat of the car.

Luis is bizarre but Alana, he found even more so.

"Let me guess." She said as she fold the sleeves of her white shirt. "You don't know why you came with me."

"Yes." He answered truthfully.

She laughed a little. "You're more oblivious that I thought. First, You didn't understood Luis feelings, then you didn't understand your own feelings resulting to your inevitable self-loathing."

He remained silent. As ashamed he was, it's all true. Seeing Lia overwhelmed him to certain extent. He loved her so much that when she came back, he stopped moving. Kept remembering and kept thinking maybe, just maybe he can save what they had. He always felt something was missing, something is amiss in his life when Lia left, but Luis was more than enough to fill that gaping hole Lia had left. Now he realize Luis is everything for him. Why had he been so stupid?

And as if Alana can read his thoughts. She spoke. "Here's a tip. Don't try to understand love, it's not a rational thing to begin with. You can love a hundred person in a hundred different ways. Try explaining that."

"What do you mean?" Stretched her legs.

"Turn left then, enter that cemetery."

When he parked, Alana quickly got out. Clacking her heels towards the large lake. She stopped near a tombstone.

Finnick Ashwell.

Forever in our loving memories.

He read. She crouched down and started wiping his name.

"To answer your question. You can love people differently, Haru. You loved Lia in a different manner to Luis. That's why you didn't knew."

"No. If I could have known an hour no, a minute before, then she won't be lying there."

She didn't answer to him but to the grave. "Heard that Finn? I visit you after all this years and I bring someone pathetic with me."

She gave Haru a small smile. "Finnick is mine and my sister's precious friend. He was our wall whenever it gets rough." She sat down at the grass. For some reason she remained her grace even if she was seating in dirty grass. "You see, me and Luis came from a very complicated family. My mother is a skilled painter, who retired early because you know, sickness and shit. My father fancied her." She laughed dryly. "Her ability to earn humongous amount of money. Don't underestimate painters, they can earn millions with just a flick of a paint brush."

"My sister inherited my mother's ability. She won many awards when she was little, they'll always send me some picture of her with a trophy bigger than her." She smiled as she reminisced. "Finn was always by her side, when winning, when she's loosing but then he wasn't anymore. His life was claimed by an accident, at the same time she lost the colors of her eyes."

"We gave her paints with labels of colors but she repeatedly said, I can't, I can't all over again." She continued to caress the tomb. "I have to say, I owe Finn everything for taking care of my sister, but I blamed him too. Maybe if he wasn't such a blockhead he'll still be alive and my sister will still have her colors."

"Then my sister sent me a letter. She knew I blamed Finn. She said this to me, the older sister, and the one who should have been responsible. "She cleared her throat to mimic Luis' voice.

"Sister, Stop blaming other people for the things I have done for myself. It's unsightly. I understand your vehement emotions but one way or another he had to go, Finn had to go."

Haru looked back at her with a knitted eyebrow. Alana laughed out loud. "She sounded like a judge in America's next top model."

"I know, that was also my expression when I was reading it. But what comes next maybe the universal truth that none of us thought."

"Sister, why do dogs die first? Because they learn first the ability to love unconditionally. Finn loved me unconditionally, it's enough for me already. My love for him is not diminished any bit nor does it accumulated more, but it will stay with me. The mere fact that it stayed with me was to be grateful for. He's mere existence was to be grateful for."

He remained standing and gazing afar as he listened to her. "Luis is just like our mother, except the foul mouth, of course. You have to understand, it's part of them; to give. Luis' maybe knew what you felt for her, but she didn't want you to have the weight of your decision in your back. She maybe wanted for you to see the world. She's a simple shit."

"Here." She gave him Luis' letter. He still didn't understand what he meant after Alana's long story.

Senpai,

I'd like to believe that there are emotions that can be put to words, that isn't in a lexicon. I also like to believe that there are feelings never gonna be describe. That's what you are to me. Something abstract.

Thank you for letting me have something so beautiful. I just want to let you know that somewhere far away, someone loves you deeply. Someone believes in you when you don't and someone will always, always be waiting for your paintings, your smiles and stories. I hope that wherever you're gonna go, I hope you'll find something meaningful there, then come back and tell me while watching Supernatural in my couch with buttered chicken and beers.
Senpai, I love you, so much. Please take care of your health and don't goof around too much. I love you, please wear warmer clothes. I love you. I'm sorry for saying I love you. Don't worry we don't have to talk about this. I just want to let you know, I will always, always love you.

-Lu.

"Do you understand now? For her, letting go has a different meaning. Loving unconditionally has a different meaning. She loves you Haru, with or without your burdens. She doesn't care if you'll return it or not. She just loves you. She's a simpleton who knows how to love."

He let his tears drop again but this time, he it felt he understood Luis, her actions her everything, there is still sadness but at the same time happiness. The reason behind why she didn't asked for anything from him, why she never told him anything. He was just thankful that this silly, peculiar, kind, honest girl loved him with all of her heart.

"Well, I'd say because of our own personal Anima and Animus but I'd rather believe in ambiguous explanation of love from people who experienced it than to rely on pure psychology." She added.

"I'll ask you again. Why are you here Haru? Why are you beside my sister?"

"Because I love her, that's all."